September 4, 2013

The latest edition of St John’s Grammar School’s Learning Early Series addresses the common and often stress-inducing habit among parents of comparing their child with others.

The advice offered in this edition is that parents should embrace their child’s individuality and understand why intrinsic motivation is so important in their child’s development.


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Parents of very young children can be forgiven for comparing their child’s development with his or her peers. Society places great pressure on both parents and children to succeed in a fast-moving world.

But as Jodie Benveniste discusses in this episode, there are ways for parents to recognise and embrace their child’s development.

Have you ever found yourself comparing your child with others?


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  • The friendship bracelets would make a wonderful gift idea,thanks!

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  • You should never ever ever never compare your kids to others! Yeah, it’s great when they’re ahead of others, but depressing if they’re lagging behind. And your kids will always be ahead of some and behind others, so it gets you nowhere to compare

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  • Very true !! And great advice .. We all should embrace our own children’s individuality and talent and not compare

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  • I agree its not useful you cant force them to develop faster if they are behind other children. but i know i am constantly compareing mine with other kids.

    but i always make sure to compare her school work with her previous school work to see how much she has gotten better.

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  • As a mum of 5 I very quickly learnt that no 2 children are ever the same and should be valued for their individuality and uniqueness. All 5 of my kids are totally different including how I discipline or reward them as what works for one never works the same for another child I also ensure that my kids enjoy a sport and musical activity each year to help them experience a balance regardless of how good they are at it. I try to encourage them to value the experience first and foremost and have different activities to their siblings so there’s less competition between them and their siblings. So far it seems to be working fingers are still crossed though teach kids to express good manners and respect to everyone and value experiencing life and trying everything and provide balance as much as possible and with crossed fingers they’ll end up well rounded adults and you can at least lower if not eliminate the whole comparing and competitiveness between kids and parents

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  • I really hate the way parents at my kids’ school obsess so much about grades in school reports and reading levels etc. Mostly it comes from a simple concern for their own kids’ development, but it sets up an unpelasant competitive dynamic that is unhealthy for the kids. All kids are unique and have their own talents.

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  • The video bought up a really good point about comparing, basically we all do it as it’s a way of us determining how our children are progressing, makes sense as how else do we measure that.

    For me the comparing (in my head) started in our Mother’s Group and then again once our daughter first started school and then as she hit her stride the comparing vanished once I realised she was doing well and there was nothing to worry about.

    Comparing in the early stages sounds a fairly normal thing to do but something entirely different if it’s done in a jealous and competitive way – there’s a difference.

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  • Yep I use to. With their siblings. They are very little and I think as they grow, we grow with them too . My MCHN always tells me don’t compare. Each child is different. and I am quite sure I won’t be comparing them in a few years or so :)

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  • All kids learn and develop at their own pace.

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  • I never liked to compare my kids to others, each is unique

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  • I’ve really enjoyed the series

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  • another great story, I don’t compare my kids to anyone else

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  • great article , thanks for sharing

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  • Thanks for sharing this, was a great read.

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  • I think it’s ok to compare


    • Comparing kids can promote jealousy and unhealthy competitiveness. Every child has their own individual interests and talents and you need to teach them that there will always be someone better or worse than they are so to focus on self improvement and development instead of competitions against someone else plus as a parent you’ll just do your head in

    Reply

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