Perhaps you feel like everything is going badly? Are there things you want but they just aren’t happening for you? Are you depressed about your current lifestyle?
I find that often the people who believe they are struggling the most, are the people who aren’t on their own team. Things will be tougher, more elusive, and more aggravating if you aren’t convinced you even deserve them.
Those who say life is knocking them down and giving them a tough time are usually the first to beat themselves up. Be on your own side. – Rasheed Ogunlaru
Do you find yourself frequently not finishing things? Having arguments with a lot of different people? Changing relationships or careers frequently even though they were going well? Are you noticing yourself excessively justifying your behaviour to others?
Some signs & styles of self sabotage:
- Finishing a great educational course prior to completion
- Ending a healthy, loving relationship
- Using anger to deal with situations – often leading to dramatic consequences.
- Over-sleeping rather than doing planned exercise or work
Reasons for self-sabotaging:
- Failure feels safe & familiar. Even if this is subconscious – it might require less anxiety and effort to be disappointed rather than try for something outstanding.
- Lack of confidence. You may believe you don’t deserve to be fulfilled or happy.
- Addictions. Such as food, anger, drugs etc.
- Control. You may maintain an unconscious belief that things will inevitably fall apart eventually so you maintain control by sabotaging it prior to it happening out of your control. (This is common in relationships)
- Boredom. Some people find they crave a constant thrill. Bungy jumping isn’t practical every day but intense arguments might be.
If you find yourself saying ‘what the hell was I thinking’ or ‘why do I keep doing this’, it might be time to give your unconscious mind a rest (it hasn’t been doing a great job so far).
Take some conscious, pro-active steps to changing how you go about your life:
- Be aware of what you are saying and thinking. Stop the justifications (to yourself and others) and just observe what you are doing and saying. Be completely honest with yourself. Are you acting out of habit, fear, need for control, boredom or need for attention?
- Don’t strive for perfection. There is NO such thing. We are all perfectly imperfect. If you are sabotaging situations that don’t look as though they are going perfectly, you may well be missing out on wonderful opportunities.
- Be kind to yourself. If you have been self-sabotaging for a long time, you aren’t going to suddenly make a decision to stop and everything changes immediately. It is a process. Praise yourself for all the small, positive steps you make. If you repeat a negative pattern, just acknowledge it, recognise how you can do it differently next time and move on. You don’t want to self sabotage your efforts to stop self sabotaging!
- Visualise what you REALLY want. ANYTHING. This takes time also. If you have spent years subconsciously believing you don’t deserve success or joy you will struggle to visualise yourself living an exciting and balanced life. Visualisation really does work though. What we think – we create and they way we think transcends into how we act. If you are feeling self-pity you will project that in your actions, facial expressions and words and you will inevitably draw more negativity to yourself. Dream, smile and enjoy….. in time you will attract more and more of what you want.
- Consider how your self-sabotaging actions affect others. Don’t approach this from a guilty ‘Oh man, I’ve ruined everyone’s life’ perspective. Just look at if from an objective perspective before you make future decisions. When you think outside of your own desires, you can often gain a better insight.
- Be open to positives and negatives. Positives are obviously exciting and provide great opportunities. Negative occurrences can also provide us opportunities. They might lead us on a new path or help us gain strength.