It is quite a simple statement really, to say “just be yourself” – but when faced with the tough situations in life you ask yourself

• Who am I!?!

• What does it involve being myself?

• How can I be myself if I really don’t know who I am right now?

• How do I find out who I really am? Who can tell me this?

The answer is YOU. You need to unveil what it is that “fulfils” you. When I say “fulfil” I mean what “completes you” as a person. What truly makes you happy and at peace with life? You were born totally unique and began growing up on the path devoted totally to YOU.

Then some time, some where we are influenced by the outside world and start becoming or trying to become somebody else. Society pushes us to have “her hair” or “her body” or “their marriage” or car or house or career.
We are bombarded with choices and fail to make decisions based on our best interests. We get confused and off track and suddenly we don’t know where to turn.

Don’t worry. The solutions are IN you. Take stock of your personality. . . write down all the positive things about yourself, about who you are. Note all the negative things that you could probably work on improving (don’t dwell too much on these points at the moment). But where I am headed with this is to acknowledge a few attributes about you that make you – You.
Ask a close friend, relative or colleague to also write down some positive things about you and some negative things that they believe you could change. Are you seeing the same qualities in yourself as how others see you? You don’t really have to do this activity to benefit from it – but just merely thinking about the outcome might give you are starting point for expressing who you truly are.

Identifying your strengths and weaknesses.

Are you honest with yourself? I know I wasn’t.
I was a victim of Bulimia from the age of 15 til now (I’m 27) . . . really, it will never GO AWAY. The risk of getting trapped is always going to present itself – it just depends on how I cope with the situation at the time.

At the moment I have it under control, I’ve had it under control before, but it came back. SO I have accepted I am never going to be CURED, I just have to acknowledge it as a weakness and manage myself the best I can. It is now a part of ME. Bulimia (look it up if you have to) is a form of eating disorder that consumes many many people and is very misunderstood and mistreated. I say it’s a mental thing. An obsession. A control issue and a very deceiving condition. Lies! my life became a series of lies. Lying to MYSELF, my husband, my mum, my friends. EVERYBODY close to me. But mostly damaging myself. When you lie to yourself you are breaking the biggest form of trust one can tamper with and that itself will destroy you.

For whatever you are facing right now, I want to assure you it’s ok. You don’t have to be a victim. Just because you’ve lied, or feel the need to lie, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person and should be banished. You simply need to FORGIVE. Think of yourself as a small child looking for approval. All that child wants is some guidance, hope, encouragement, love and acceptance. If you deny a child those things they are going to feel scared. They are going to be frightened of the world and they are going to hold back on striving to be the best they can be because of self doubt. So forgive your mistakes, accept you have done wrong, learn the lesson being taught and move on with encouragement that things will get better.

You are only human, you are allowed to make mistakes. The true spirit comes from allowing these mistakes to act as stepping stones into the pathway of your success. You can leave them behind so long as you continue to keep paving that road ahead of you. With every situation you are faced in life, you can ask yourself “am I being genuine, real, authentic, sincere and true to myself?” it could be a visit to the fridge to get some chocolate cake, do you REALLY want the chocolate cake? Do you REALLY need the chocolate cake? Are you going to benefit from having the chocolate cake? –or will you beat yourself up with guilt? If the answer is the latter, than you probably should leave it there for another time.

Making decisions in your life that choke you with guilt are not in your best interests. You are only hurting yourself. Trust me I had this argument MANY times, many hours of the day and night my choices haunted me. Until I realised I was a total victim of myself. My own worst enemy. I was abusing myself in the highest form of abuse. I was sick of being treated this way and the only one who could change this was ME. I had to go back to learn about who I was (beyond the excessive-eating, purging and self-hate). I had to learn to love myself and appreciate myself and accept myself for all that I am. That made me decide that I didn’t like the person I had become. I had to change. I think a big part of me put expectations upon myself to be perfect.

Something that I’m not (no-body is!) then I tried to portray to everyone around me that I had it all together (my life, my relationships, my finances) this was NOT true either. We all have flaws. We all have battles. We all have room for improvement. I attempted to get everyone to believe otherwise. I was living a false existence. Completely trying to be something I’m not. PERFECT.

Now, I see perfections all around me. My son –perfect, my daughter –perfect, my husband –perfect! Well you know it’s not completely true. They all misbehave in their own time, but their LOVE for me and my LOVE for them is PERFECT. I can’t ask for anything more. It’s taken a while, but I think I have accepted who I am. I have accepted my journey as necessary to bring me where I am right now. Sure I have regrets – I have MANY regrets, but I choose not to dwell on them because they are part of my past.

They are all necessary to bring me to where I am right now. I am looking to my future and knowing that whatever obstacles are presented to me now – I have the strength to handle them. I might not get it first go, I might not follow a direct line, but ultimately . . . I will get there. And I will get there with honesty, optimism and a full heart – because being empty is nobody’s desire.


  • i think il pin this for a bit of motivation

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  • i am still finding myself 6 years almost post separation

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  • After 5 years of being at home I am finally branching out and finding myself again! And loving it great advice thankyou!

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  • curlytops – It is disappointing to see others trying to be something they are not and sadly it all seems to common in this world.

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  • It is a shame when people try too hard to be something or someone who they are not. I think the best you can be is you and if people don’t like it then thats fine – your friendship is not supposed to be. I am very fortunate, to have a wonderful like mined group of honest friends no one is trying to be someone or something they are not. we are all totally different and come from different backgrounds but we are all honest, fun people who are ourselves.

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  • This is great advice. I love the idea of writing down the positives coz when you just think its the negatives which come to mind not the positives and so writing down the positives is a fabulous idea.

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  • It also sets a good example to your children not to be fake, as eventually they will sense that.

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  • Great article. I do believe being true to yourself is one of the most important things you can do for your own sanity.

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  • very inspiring article. I do believe that our circumstances definitely changes us and our thinking.
    There are so many things in life where we need support and strength of others but in the end we need to be strong mentally to win every battle of our life.

    Reply

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