Starting a family can put you at odds with your single pals, but it needn’t be this way – for either camp.

About the time I turned 30 my friends started falling into one of two camps: the yummy mummies and the party-loving singletons. And there became a yawning divide.

While one set were getting up at 3am to feed their babies, the others were staggering home from a night on the town. When one lot were spending it up at Baby Bunting and on puree, the others were splashing the cash at Cue and on fine dining. And while one group was busy climbing the corporate ladder, the other lot were getting ladders in their stockings chasing their toddlers.

Working out how to still relate to one another can be a dilemma. But it needn’t be so hard. There are ways around your differences. In fact, below are a few tips from mums and singletons on how to still catch up with one another, without tearing out your hair!

Tips from mums for those sans kids

    • Keep in mind an appropriate time of day to catch up i.e. not at a child’s nap/bedtime.
    • Agree on a suitable location i.e. not some place where a toddler/baby/child – who will naturally be in tow – can’t be entertained, or await the humiliation of broken glass and food strewn across the floor!
    • Organise the odd child-free catch-up so the mums can get a peaceful night out, too – but give them plenty of notice so they can organise babysitters.
    • Ensure the topic of conversation is relevant to all, so you don’t get bored with the mums dominating with children updates and you don’t take over with accounts of your drunken escapades – an even balance works best!

Tips from singletons for the mums

    • Leave the kids at home every now and again – as well as the endless photos of what they’ve been up to lately. Eye-glazing is a sign singletons have had enough…
    • Speak in a non-parent-friendly language. No, your child-free gal pals won’t know what the intricacies of a breast pump are or what terms like ‘co-sleeping’ mean, nor do they really want to just yet.
    • Understand singletons have busy schedules, too – incorporating work, medical appointments, shoe shopping, and beyond – even though their lives don’t revolve around offspring.
    • Don’t place your baby in the lap of a non-parent and expect them to know what to do – they haven’t had training! It would be like telling you to do their jobs wearing a blindfold. The bub’s best kept in your arms or their pram, or have a sense of humour if your non-mummy gal pal gives the child-minding a go and doesn’t do so well.
Photo courtesy of stock.xchng

  • I never had friends, either before or after kids, so there was never any problems with adjusting new friendships to new situations

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  • The friendships I gave more have faded. While others are still adjusting to the new arrival of my child, we’re both working out how to be friends with different timetables :)

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  • looking great

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  • Great article with good points of view from both sides.

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  • This is a good read. I particularly like the last 3 points

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  • Being a true friend means sticking together no matter what doesnt matter if u have children or not


    • Exactly right, I have single and married friends that I have known for years, our circumstances in life have not changed our true friendship.

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  • If they are true friends yes they will be their no matter what

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  • A friendship that is meant to last will survive the arrival of children. But it’s so important for new mums not to overload single friends with all the joys/problems/etc of motherhood, just as no mum would want to constantly be reminded of some of the joys of single life that they’re missing out on.

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  • Whys it so hard to keep some things the same?

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  • great tips contained here, I never really thought of how it could be an issue

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  • Hadn’t ever thought about this before, thanks for waking me up – good read.

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  • It felt very lonely when I was the only who had a baby.

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  • Great tips for both parties! It’s difficult to remain as close as before when you don’t understand each others situation sometimes!

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  • thank you for tips, it means a lot for me

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  • Of course you can! Great article and thanks for the share

    Reply

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