This stepmother refuses to let her husband’s 23 year old daughter move into their home.

A mum has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to share her frustration after being labelled an ‘evil’ stepmother for refusing to allow her adult step-daughter to live in her home. The couple currently lives with their young son in a small city apartment purchased by the mum, and she says that her step-daughter moving in for an extended period of time would be an imposition.

All Part Of The Plan

The mum said she had always had a reasonably good relationship with her step-daughter until she received an unexpected message. “I got a message from her saying that she wants to move in with us for three months until she could find a job in the city that pays her well enough so she could move out,” the woman wrote. “She then added another message saying that ‘Dad agreed…this is our plan.'” It was when the mum decided to question her step-daughter about what would happen if she didn’t find a job in that period that things started to get nasty. “I have her a splendid NO for the first time in my life,” the mum says.

Family Tension

The mum admits that her decision to refuse her step-daughter’s request had creating tension within the family. “My husband was furious at me and he also got a nasty email from his ex wife…later I got a text from her saying that I don’t treat my step-daughter as part of the family.” Commenters on the post were quick to criticise the mum for her treatment of her step-daughter. “You sound like a horrible person,” one wrote. “How would you feel if your son was in your step-daughter’s position in the future?” “It’s his daughter, you’ve put him in a position where he has to choose,” said another. “You have to live with the consequences.”

We think step-parents are often faced with really difficult situations, especially when it comes to their step-children, but we feel this mum could have been a little kinder and given her step-daughter the benefit of the doubt.

Do you think this mum was wrong to refuse her step-daughter’s request? Let us know in the comments.


  • She is a grown woman. The dad is the issue here for agreeing to it without discussing it with the wife.

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  • Perhaps this is something that the step mum should have discussed with her partner before a final decision was made ? It’s a pretty big request to veto.

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  • There isn’t a lot of detail, maybe the house isn’t big enough, the step mum did ask what would happen if she didn’t find a job in that time, a fair enough question.

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  • Nobody knows the exact situation so it’s not fair to comment either way really. There might be more to it.

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  • This is a tough one. Firstly, hubby shouldn’t have said yes without discussing it with wifey in the first place. If the daughter doesn’t have a job, I’m assuming she’ll be relying on the dad and step mum to support her while she’s out of work. That will be a big financial drain. But then, if it were her daughter, what would she be agreeing to? I would maybe go with 3 month stay, if you are not in a position to move out and support yourself by then, go back to where you came from and try a different approach

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  • Her husband shouldn’t have agreed without asking/talking to his wife. Regardless of who owns the place they are a married couple and need to discuss everything. The step daughter I think should be able to live there but I think there would need to be some ground rules and guidelines that everyone agrees to for it to work.

    The husband has to be able to pull his daughter into line if things get out of hand though.

    Who knows she might get a job as soon as she moves in and only be there for a month! She is also a great built in baby sitter if the parents want a night off!

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  • a complex one and I can relate.

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  • I understand both sides, but do think in these situations we should really consider what the impact of our decisions and responses can be on our relationship

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  • I can relate to the step-mother to be honest! I’ve been in very similar shoes with in-laws coming to stay frequently, for up to 3 mths at a time (they could stay with a lot of family, and are by no means homeless. They have money but never contribute and at one stage they even brought my SIL and her kids for a mth, without asking, they just told us they were coming!) It causes so many issues between my husband and I it’s not funny! For 3 mths we never got more than 5 mins alone each day, and all the household rules for the children went out the window! Another adult living in your house can cause a lot of issues. I’m guessing the girls mother lives in a different city if she can’t move in with her! It could be the limited space that is turning the step-mother off or the fact that she wasn’t consulted in it initially, just told that it was going to happen!

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  • I think if you start being with someone who already has children, then they become part of the package deal. Sounds like she is a bit nasty and I tend to feel for the kid

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  • I can see both sides of the argument and what I would do would really depend on what the individuals involved are like.

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  • I can see both sides to this. I think it put her guard up when the daughter already confirmed dad agreed without them having the discussion first. I think communication about this could’ve been better to avoid this bitterness and resentment

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  • Geez, you kinda have to be a little more supportive. This poor child must feel so rejected.

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  • It’s surely big step to have another person in the house, but I think the stepmother should have been a little bit more flexible.

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  • The Dad shouldn’t have said anything without discussing it with her first but three months sounds reasonable but there is obviously a lot more to the story.

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