A first-time Mum has opened up about her mother’s refusal to meet her grandson because the gran wasn’t present when he was born.

Posting on popular parenting forum Mumsnet, a first-time mum has revealed that her own mother is refusing to meet her baby because she was not allowed in the delivery room. “Mum hates me because she wasn’t at the birth,” she wrote. We all know childbirth can be a stressful experience, so choosing who to have in the room to support you is one thing we don’t want to be worrying about!

Depriving Her Of The Experience

Telling her side of the story, the mum wrote on Mumsnet, “So I had my little boy in August. In the run-up my mum kept demanding she was at the birth because “I won’t cope” and I need her there (I’m 24 and married). I tried to tell her politely that if I need her I’ll send my husband to pick her up straight away and that I’d be fine.”

Sounds reasonable to us, but shortly after her son’s birth, the mum says she was bombarded with angry messages and that her mother is now refusing to see her grandchild.

Should I Feel Guilty?

Whilst most of the comments have been supportive of the mum’s decision, some women said they can understand where the grandmother is coming from. “I kind of feel sorry for your Mum,” one wrote. “No disrespect to you but she sounds so disappointed and upset. I can’t blame her to be honest, receiving a text after her grandchild was born is so impersonal.”

So should this Mum feel guilty or do you have the right to control who is present when you give birth? It’s a tough one, but we feel sorry for both of them that they are missing out on what should be a happy time for the whole family.

Do grandparents have a right to be present at the birth of their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments. 

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  • The mother had the baby so she should decide who she wants at the birth.

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  • Oh that’s not nice, I didn’t want my mum there because I didn’t want her to see me in pain…she loves her grandson

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  • I only had my husband in the delivery room and I think this mum is being completely unreasonable. It is clearly not the grandchild’s fault anyway even if she is annoyed at the mother. But really she has no right to be annoyed anyway because it was her daughter’s personal choice.

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  • I would have had my Mother at the hospital but not in the delivery room. I’m sorry that her Mother is giving her such a hard time but it’s the new Mum and Bub who are important. Sounds to me like the Mother is either jealous or over protective. Hopefully she comes to her senses soon. Otherwise she’ll be missing out on more than the birth of her grandchild.

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  • Would never have my parents, in law’s or sisters at my delivery. Yes they are my family and I love them, but have my own family unit with my husband and for me this part belongs between the two of us.

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  • Do not feel guilty. This is controlling and manipulative. You get to choose who you want in the birthing suite, nobody else. That is absolutely apalling behaviour from your mother and so selfish.

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  • Is the grandmother more upset because she wasn’t there for the birth or because she found out by a TEXT? Not being there for the birth is one thing but being told by atext is another. Yes that is impersonal.

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  • Your baby, your birth experience, your choice to who you want in the room. Some grandparents need to know boundaries in regards to the birth of their grandkids. You need to be invited, not demand!

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  • That’s a bit harsh. I would disown the grandmother!

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  • You have complete control on who you want to be in there with you. I think she shouldn’t feel guilty

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  • I think the mum was totally within her rights. Grandma sounds like she’d have been a horrible person to have there.

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  • The grandmother is just acting silly,the mother doesn’t need this behaviour from family.

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  • Nope. Not their ‘right.’ I would go so far as to say that whoever is about to push a watermelon out their vag, they get to choose who ‘gets to’ see them do so.

    The mother could have been in the waiting room. I don’t understand why she is so angry about not being in the birth suite.

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  • The grandmother will get over it & it is her loss if she doesn’t, sounds very much like a controlling person who is used to getting her own way. If my mother had suggested she wanted to be at any of my births I would have refused, it is a special time for the mother & father of the baby that shouldn’t be interfered with in any way from relatives.

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  • This is just ridiculous. I find people to be so selfish with regards to the mothers wants before, during and after pregnancy.

    Reply

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