If you’re trying for a baby with limited success, finding out about your friend’s pregnancy can be devastating…

There is no news more exciting than finding out you’re pregnant, but an increasing number of women are hesitant about sharing this incredible experience for fear of hurting their friends who are also trying to conceive. British television presenter Saira Khan has shared her experience, recounting how her fertility struggle made her friend’s pregnancy announcements increasingly hard to bear.

Conflicting Emotions

Saira said that things didn’t go to plan when she and her partner Steve decided to try for a family. “I was 34 when we started trying to get pregnant,” Saira said. “It just wasn’t happening…it got to the stage where I saw babies everywhere because it was the one thing I wanted. I couldn’t be happy for people.” Saira said family occasions presented a particular challenge when it came to suppressing her disappointment about her struggle to get pregnant. “I couldn’t go to my family’s house and be around all the children,” she told panellists on UK show Loose Women. “For them, they had the perfect family and we didn’t, and it was so hard.” Saira said that she began to avoid friends and family members who had children, and despite trying to remain positive and upbeat, would be devastated when told of their pregnancies and newborn arrivals.

A Two Way Street

Fellow panellists Colleen Nolan and Jane Moore pointed out that the situation can also be a challenge for expectant mums. “It was hard for me every scan…I felt awkward,” Colleen said of being pregnant with her daughter at the same time that her sister miscarried. “But she told me she was delighted for me, that she wanted her own baby and didn’t resent me.”

Often in the excitement of a pregnancy announcement, issues such as a friend or family member’s infertility can be unintentionally overlooked. If you’re struggling to be a part of the celebrations due to challenges conceiving, be open with the mum-to-be about how you’re feeling – she’ll appreciate your honesty and no doubt understand completely if you’re not up to sitting through a gender reveal party or baby shower right now.

Has your friend’s pregnancy ever caused you pain? Share your story in the comments.

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  • There was a time when I was so devastated I didn’t have the baby I lost (first pregnancy) I couldn’t even handle looking at babies. It wasn’t until my son was born that I felt whole again. Hearing of friends getting pregnant or having their baby was torture. It affects everyone differently.

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  • When you’re struggling with infertility, it can sometimes get to the point where finding happiness in others pregnancy announcements can be tough. We tried for two years before we conceived our little guy, and when we did announce our pregnancy, I was also conscious of how it could have made friends feel, who too had struggles with infertility. I try to be happy when others announce a pregnancy, because I don’t know if they too had experienced troubles or heartbreak along their journey. Our little man is an only child (between hubby and I – I also have step children) and I wish he had a little play mate, but my body has other ideas. If there’s one thing that upsets me about infertility, it’s seeing those posts on facebook… The ones that say “If your name is on the list you’ll be pregnant with twins this year” (or similar). I know that these are meant to be a bit of fun, but if your name happens to be on the list and you’re really struggling to become pregnant, then they can be quite insensitive, in my opinion.

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  • Thankfully for me no its never been an issue. Would be incredibly hard

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  • Yes when I suffered 3 miscarriages I sure felt a pang of pain, which was not a feeling of jealousy, but one of grieve and loss.

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  • It’s definitely harder to be completely happy when you try every month and feel like a failure when it doesnt happen. Ive been through it and know what it likes. You just think why not me.

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  • No I’ve never been in this situation before. Genuinely felt happy for all
    Of my friends even though I was one of the last ones to get married & have children.

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  • We hadn’t our feet when I was almost 22 and have had two more since and none of my friends are even trying to have kids yet so I’ve never been in this situation.

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  • Yes, I’ve experienced this. It can be very hard.

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  • I was actually on the other end of it. I was the one that fell pregnant and my friends were aware that we were trying and they were trying at the time as they weren’t ready to have children. Once they found out we were pregnant and then there was a massive race to see who was going to get pregnant next. I ended up having a stillbirth and neither of my friends had fallen pregnant so I feel like deep down they will kind of happy. And then 8 months later I fell pregnant with my daughter and share the good news and they were happy and they said that they had stop trying again. then two years later I fell pregnant with my son and they had start trying again and I was unaware that that started try again and they were so jealous that we didn’t even get a congratulations or nothing from them.

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  • Yes, I admit it happened. I was already two years in infertility treatment without any luck and my best friend got pregnant naturally for the second time, while breastfeeding the first one. It wasn’t planned at all. And she was thinking of terminating the pregnancy. She asked me what I thought. What do you want me to say? I couldn’t think about her situation without thinking about mine. So I told her that she had to consider herself very lucky and my advice was to keep the baby. It was a girl at the end. I’m sorry I wasn’t really overjoying for her pregnancy. Luckily I got pregnant when her daughter was almost one year old. :-)

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  • When talking about kids i try to be conscious of friends who are having problems with getting pregnant

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