I’m not sure if one of our kids’ schools is including an ‘Insight’ each week from Michael Grose, leading parenting educator and founder of www.parentingideas.com.au because they realise they have a problem in their school (!) or whether they (like me) believe Michael’s approach to parenting is both pragmatic and really useful.
This week’s insight examined ways in which we, as parents, can help our kids have more resilience (that is, the ability to BOUNCE BACK). It’s an insightful read filled with strategies we can all employ instantly.
I’ve found Michael’s website so useful. Any issue you’re wondering about, there’s just about always a point of view worth reading. And he has a stack of materials available on the site and also to buy. It’s definitely worth checking out.
Resilience – Build inner strength and coping skills in kids
Resilience is a 21st Century parenting concept that every parent needs to understand.
Some kids are resilient by nature – their temperament helps them to be mentally and psychologically tough. You know those kids. They get straight back up after a setback or disappointment. Rejection in the playground doesn’t faze them. Unfortunately, not every child has such natural resilience.
The good news is that most of the research shows that resilience can be nurtured and developed, particularly when parents themselves are resilient and they actively foster it in their kids.
Resilient kids share four basic skill sets- independence, problem-solving, optimism and social connection.
From a resilience perspective parents need to coach kids through some of their more challenging moments and reviewing what they may have learned for next time. Avoid solving all their problems for them.
You can promote a lasting sense of resilience in your kids by:
- Having a positive attitude yourself. Your attitude as a parent impacts on their ability to bounce back from some of the difficulties they face. Make sure you model a ‘you can do it’ attitude for your child when he meets some of life’s curve balls.
- Look for teachable moments. Many kids’ learning opportunities are disguised as problems. Make the most of these opportunities so that kids can grow and learn from some of the challenges they face.
- Make kids active participants in the family. Active participation in a family develops the self-help, problem-solving and independence skills of kids that are necessary for resilience.
- Build kids coping skills. There are plenty of strategies you can pass on to kids to help them cope when life doesn’t go their way, including acceptance, getting away for awhile, and normalisation.
Promoting resilience in kids is a not a single event but a continuous process that requires adults to be supportive and empathetic when things don’t go their way. It also requires you as a parent to have an understanding of resilience, so you have faith in your yourself, and your child’s ability to cope.
What has your experience been with your children and those of friends and family been when it comes to ‘bouncing back’. Got any tips for us other Mums?