We often hear the phrase that you have to work at your relationship if you want to stay married. I like to look at it differently because as soon as you say “work at it” all the fun gets sucked right out of it.

Relationships are supposed to be fun, spontaneous and sexy. The phrase “work at your relationship” sounds, boring to say the least. So how do you keep the spark going in your relationship without feeling like you are “working at it”? Why not look at it as maintenance or giving it a tune up? Or how about looking at it as flexing your “sexy “muscle, because we all know that when it comes to muscles if you aren’t using them they become soft and flabby. Not a great image for your marriage is it?

Okay so I might just be playing with words but the idea is to take the drudgery out of it and to keep the fun, sexy and spontaneous stuff happening.

Here are my top tips to keep your relationship in tip top shape:

1. Gratitude 

If you’ve  ever watched an episode of Oprah you will know all about giving thanks for everything in your life but have you thought of taking the time to be grateful for your husband? If you take the time to write down five things you are grateful for about your husband every day, you will start to see him in a new light. Doing this one simple practise everyday will start those warm, fuzzy, romantic feelings for him all over again.

2. Five Languages of Love  

According to  author Gary Chapman there are five languages of love

1. Time
2. Acts of service
3. Affirmation or the spoken word
4. Touch
5. Gifts

Chances are you and your husband speak different languages! I know I need to be touched and hear the words spoken in order to know that I am loved but my husband needs acts of service. Once we figured that out our relationship became much easier. Often you will express love the way you most need to feel it and so will your partner.

3. Listen

When you and your husband finally get some time alone make sure to connect with each other by asking about his day and then listening with your full attention. It might not be the most interesting thing you will ever hear but giving him your undivided attention will make him feel like a million dollars and chances are high that he will return the favour.

4. Touch

Virginia Satir, a family psychologist, has stated that we all need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance and 12 for growth. As women we get a lot more hugs than men as we generally hug our kids and our girlfriends on a regular basis. Men miss out on this but they need it just as much as we do.

5. Love yourself

Make sure to take some time out of your day to do something just for you. Whether it is enjoying a soak in the bath, chatting with a friend , reading a book or taking a walk in nature as long as it feeds your soul make the effort.

As mothers we are so busy focusing on everyone else’s needs that we neglect our own. Remember you are just as important as everyone else.

6. Give your partner room

Just as you need time to yourself so does he. The great thing is, if you are taking time for yourself you won’t resent him taking time out either as you will know how important it is for his mental wellbeing.

7. Call him up

Do you remember when you were dating how exciting it was to hear your boyfriend’s voice? Call your husband, unexpectedly, just to, let him know you were thinking of him. Or send him a text. Or slip a note in his lunchbox.

Everybody loves to know that someone special is thinking of them so let him know just how much you love him.

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