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The husband says he works full time (he’s an essential worker) and believes his wife is lazy and doesn’t do enough around the house, especially as she is a stay at home mum.

A concerned husband has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if he is being unreasonable to call his stay at home wife lazy. The husband says that his wife, a mum of one, doesn’t do much housework during the day and he often comes home to chaos and mess.

Sharing The Load

The husband said that he is embarrassed by the state of their home and that his wife has become increasingly ‘lazy’ since she gave up work last year. And it’s become even worse now that she doesn’t leave the house because of the Coronavirus threat.

“There’s always a sink full of pots and they usually stay there until I do them,” he wrote. “She rarely hoovers or polishes or cleans the bathrooms. We get takeaways a lot so she doesn’t have to cook every day and even when she does it’s usually something very straightforward. We have someone do our ironing for us so she doesn’t even have to do that!”

The husband admitted that he doesn’t do much to help around the house but has taken on extra work and overtime to enable his wife to stay at home with their son.

“My wife has had depression since she was pregnant and it’s probably due to that that she’s not motivated but I feel like there’s always an excuse,” he said. “When we first met she lived alone and her house was a mess but I thought it was probably because she worked full time and didn’t have the time.”

Agree To Disagree

Comments on the post were divided with some saying that the mum definitely isn’t pulling her weight.

“Yes, she is lazy. No excuse for not doing housework or dishes from the night before,” wrote one forum user.

“I suffer from depression…but I still always make sure the house is clean and the kids are happy.”

“She’s been messy since you met her,” wrote another. “But when you have kids, you need to grow up and keep your house clean.”

Others, however, were more sympathetic about the mum’s situation. “She isn’t doing nothing. She is looking after a toddler!” one wrote. “Being unmotivated because of depression isn’t the same as being lazy,” another said.

We think this husband should probably consider his wife’s mental health and the home-isolation situation before calling her ‘lazy’ but we can also understand his frustration about the amount of mess he is coming home to each day.

This couple definitely need to have an honest conversation about whether their current arrangement is the best thing for both of them…

Do you think stay-at-home parents should be expected to do all the housework? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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  • As i read this article I thought it sounded like she was dealing with depression and then sure enough it was said she was. It might be a good thing to sit down quietly with her and ask her how she is feeling. Perhaps she is struggling with being a stay at home mum and feels she would be better going to work. Ask her how she really feels and go from there.

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  • I think she needs to be under a mental health plan from the dr and see a mental health professional before she gets worse. Some people who have mental illness can’t cope with looking after the house plus a child. It is obversly needs help and the husband needs to realise something is not right with her and be a bit more nicer to her and help with the child.

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  • It’s hard to keep everything tidy specially with kids. And also I’d expect some help

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  • I was a stay at home mom for 8 years with 2 young girls and was happy to keep the house clean and have dinner on the table for my husband but I also found that some days I thought the house was a bit messy but my husband didn’t as he said that there is a difference between a messy house and a dirty house. I never even now go to bed unless the dishes are done. Sounds like you wife might need a simple routine.

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  • Maybe she just doesn’t know where to start. A list night help her as a visual

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  • Oh that is sad. Sometimes I get nothing done around the house. It depends on the child and if they’ll be happy enough when you out them down to try and do it.

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  • I was a SAHM for 12 years. I did everything I could to keep a tidy home & spend quality time with my children. As my children got older & had three to contend with, my tidy home became more of a lived in home, but I soon realised that I was ok with that as long as it wasn’t a dirty mess. My once loved display home no longer felt right & it was an impossible task that I no longer felt necessary. I started to do some distance education in preparation for my return to the workforce & my husband was happy to step up & help out whenever he was needed. Now that we both work, we both share all the jobs around the house & the kids even help out with the cooking & washing now too.

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  • My personal view is that the stay at home partner should be pitching in more on the homefront. That’s effectively their job. Circumstances are different for everyone, that was a general statement

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  • every situation is different. In my situation, when I was a stay at home mum with four kids under four I would do all the ‘chores’ during the day and by the time my husband got home it would look like I’d done nothing. I tried my best. Now I’m the one working and my husband stays at home and I pitch in when I can. Partly because I think over time, the monotony of the housework creates lack of motivation. But I don’t mind.

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  • Not all but a good amount

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  • I think this requires a discussion between two adults. I can see his point, but also need to better understand his wife’s mental health. He needs to be honest with her.

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  • I don’t think they should be expected to all the house work but as a part-time worker I definitely do more of the house work as I think it’s only fair as my husband works long days. He helps with cooking a couple of times a week and does loads of washing too so I’m pretty lucky, but I do wish he’d help more with things like vacuuming/mopping, cleaning bathrooms on weekends

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  • As a stay home mum i know this situation. Sometimes i feel the same way. But i am glad my husband understand me.He is doing some household task without telling me to do.


    • I was in your boat too, I married a guy who really understood me!

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  • I personally don’t think her husband is asking too much. Her mental health is of concern but I’ve noticed if I keep busy it makes me feel better and then I’m not laying around all day. I guess we each cope in our own ways but he met her seeing how she kept house and married her anyway. I think a nice cuppa and a sit down is needed. Express yourselves and try to come to a solution, even if it starts with baby steps.

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  • Yes I do think she is being lazy. I empathise that she suffers from depression but I suffer from anxiety and mild depression and I am a full time working single mum and I manage to keep the house tidy. If she gets overwhelmed maybe she should consider counselling and maybe even having a daily planner might help her.

    Reply

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