The husband says he works full time and believes his wife is lazy and doesn’t do enough around the house, especially as she is a stay at home mum.

A concerned husband has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if he is being unreasonable to call his stay at home wife lazy. The husband says that his wife, a mum of one, doesn’t do much housework during the day and he often comes home to chaos and mess.

Sharing The Load

The husband said that he is embarrassed by the state of their home and that his wife has become increasingly ‘lazy’ since she gave up work last year. “There’s always a sink full of pots and they usually stay there until I do them,” he wrote. “She rarely hoovers or polishes or cleans the bathrooms. We eat out a lot so she doesn’t have to cook every day and even when she does it’s usually something very straightforward. We have someone do our ironing for us so she doesn’t even have to do that!” The husband admitted that he doesn’t do much to help around the house but has taken on extra work and overtime to enable his wife to stay at home with their son. “My wife has had depression since she was pregnant and it’s probably due to that that she’s not motivated but I feel like there’s always an excuse,” he said. “When we first met she lived alone and her house was a mess but I thought it was probably because she worked full time and didn’t have the time.”

Agree To Disagree

Comments on the post were divided with some saying that the mum definitely isn’t pulling her weight. “Yes, she is lazy. No excuse for not doing housework or dishes from the night before,” wrote one forum user. “I suffer from depression…but I still always make sure the house is clean and the kids are happy.” “She’s been messy since you met her,” wrote another. “But when you have kids, you need to grow up and keep your house clean.” Others, however, were more sympathetic about the mum’s situation. “She isn’t doing nothing. She is looking after a toddler!” one wrote. “Being unmotivated because of depression isn’t the same as being lazy,” another said.

We think this husband should probably consider his wife’s mental health before calling her ‘lazy’ but we can also understand his frustration about the amount of mess he is coming home to each day. This couple definitely need to have an honest conversation about whether their current arrangement is the best thing for both of them…

Do you think stay-at-home parents should be expected to do all the housework? Share your thoughts in the comments!


  • i have 2 toddlers at home. On the days when i am not at work, i find that i have to be out of the house all day doing something with them in order to keep everyone’s sanity. It’s so hard being the parent that stays at home. Going to work is my day off. My husband comes home and the dishwasher hasn’t been emptied from the morning, the kitchen is a mess – actually the whole house is a mess – and he’s fine with it, as he understands. I actually feel a llittle annoyed with him for not doing enough around the house actually, as he lives there as well. I wonder whether this husband did anything around the house before they had children, or expected his wife to do it all and now finds that she is unable to do it? And maybe like one of the other comments said, he should talk to his wife.

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  • Thus happens. Being a stay at home mum isn’t always easy, we struggle. If it happens on a regular basis though, maybe it should be investigated further. There could be more to it

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  • Gosh, looking after children is a tough gig. Look at all the holidays educators get (well deserved).

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  • I could almost be the lazy wife he’s talking about. Only I’m lucky enough to have a husband who realises that some days the dishes come second to not losing my mind.

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  • Sounds like the man needs more education on the difference between experiencing depression, being lazy & making excuses!

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  • I’m a stay at home mum and I find I am much more productive now that I have two kids. When I just had the one I used his sleep times to rest. Now I don’t get that opportunity so I cook better meals, I get more cleaning done and we have a great time. My husband just picked up the slack because he understood I was up all night feeding a baby and needed to rest when I could.

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  • oh here we go.. work it out and maybe equal share?

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  • I can understand where he is coming from – if your at work all day and working overtime, and your partner is home all day with the kids – you would expect things to be done, like the dishes or dinner started etc, the house a little tidy, a load of washing done etc. I have just gone back to work full time after working part-time the last few years during school hours – I am doing lots of late nights at work but to help out my hubby I do a lot of meal prepping and planning so all he has to do is come home and cook for our girls and leave mine in the oven for later! – I will put the wash on a timer so it finishes close to his knock of time and I just ask him to put it in the dryer and I deal with it when I have finished work for the day – running a household regardless of if one partner works full time, part-time or not at all still needs to be a team effort. Hopefully this husband can think of some ways to have his wife a little more interactive with his ideas and vice versa – personally though I think she is pretty lucky if she doesn’t have to iron and they eat out alot – isn’t that every woman’s dream!

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  • Even with 4 children under 7, I never had a sink full of dirty pots and pans. Although children can and do get into a mess all day and constantly clutter the house with toys, they don’t make the dishes dirty all the time. And if you have a rule like the lounge room is a toy free area, then that’s one room that doesn’t have to be tidied up all the time. I’m with the husband in this instance.

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  • I do t think he was being nasty possibly was reaching out for help trying to understand his own situation
    I would may be getting his wife more help and also see how the way she was brought up and if her mother was same as monkey see monkey do
    The wife actually might need some help

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  • Why can’t he be supportive instead of being critical of her? She is a mum to a young child. There is your answer to her being “lazy” or having depression. He can be a “mum” for the day and see what housework he manages to do. You clean something and then it’s back to being dirty. It’s what kids do.

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  • Obviously he has never stayed at home to look after children! It’s not as easy and fun as it seems! I love going to work some days to have a break!!

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  • I wonder if she wears his testicles as a necklace or earrings, coz they sure as hell wouldn’t still be attached to him anymore

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  • Time to flip the roles and see how motivated he is about being a stay at home dad. SAHM is a tough gig!

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  • The article mentions depression but no mention of post natal depression. It is possible this could be a hidden cause and can be extremely debilitating. Forgetting housework, is baby safe and happy? Does hubby and wife talk about their feelings together? Is this a cry for help or making a stand for change? Stay at home parents fight traditional role expectations when in reality, each family have unique challenges in an evolving world.

    Reply

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