My partner doesn’t clean, doesn’t change a dirty nappy. Doesn’t cook, can’t be at an appointment on time and is currently out of work. What on earth can I do it’s driving me nuts! Our sex life has dropped and he would rather watch porn!


Posted anonymously, 13th October 2014


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  • mmm, I would seek counselling, and if he doesn’t improve maybe set him free?



  • He needs to make changes as that’s just ridiculous! :/



  • You are not a door mat!
    It is time for him to get up off his bum & start helping out!
    You didn’t make your children on your own so you shouldn’t have to care for them on your own! He doesn’t work so he can help out with cleaning around the house. It is not going to kill him to change nappies either. He doesn’t work, he has no excuse for being late for appointments & “I was sitting at home watching porn” simply won’t cut it!
    He has a beautiful hard working woman he is denying attention when he shouldn’t be.
    You need to sit him down & tell him how you feel, if things don’t improve you might want to look at seeing a counsellor.



  • Mine is the same, but no porn, thank god! Nearly 30 years together and he hasn’t changed! Now unfortunately, he’s the only worker as I’m unable to work, so I feel like I shouldn’t say too much anymore. He brings home the bacon so it’s up to me to run the house, but I’m not happy about it. When I worked and he didn’t, I still looked after the house, the kids, the bills etc.



  • I certainly agree with other comments – this man needs to make changes for your marriage to work. Whether you try a counsellor, a heart to heart or something else, I hope you remember you aren’t making unreasonable requests here, he should be helping in these tasks regardless of whether he is working or not. If it’s any consolation, I struggle to get my husband to see housework that needs doing, he magically does not notice the overflowing bin or stacked up dishes. Sigh



  • Have you thought of couple counselling to get him to see your side? Also maybe just stop cooking his dinner and washing his clothes. I also found dumping a screaming baby with hubby and going for a walk gave them a good kick up the bum when they got lazy.



  • Sounds to me like you’d be better off without him!

    I would try to have a heart to heart chat with him to work out what’s going on, and maybe set out the things you expect him to do (and don’t pick up the slack if he doesn’t do them!) Good luck – make sure you look after yourself.



  • Definitely seek professional help as he may be depressed make the appointment and take him with you. Good luck I hope things improve. Also maybe organise a girls weekend where he will have no choice but to do everything and look after the kids. You deserve it!!



  • I think maybe it would be a good idea to go and talk to someone. Have you thought perhaps he could be slightly depressed?



  • i would go see a relationship counsellor! it could help.



  • If he isn’t working, cleaning or helping you with the baby what on earth is he doing all day?
    He sounds like he could be depressed. I would sit down and talk to him and suggest making a doctors appointment. Good luck.



  • My partner is always late to apps and he looks past the cleaning most days. I find that I end up bargaining with him for time off from the kids and tit for tat cleaning. I find if I take the kids to the park and say you need to do this he usually gets it done. Cleaning with kids around sux for both of us. Cleaning chart help but don’t seem to last, start with small wins and give him responsibility over ccertain areas of the house



  • If this was happening to me i would be booking myself a spa day and TELLING him he has to have the children for the day and you want tea on the table by the time you get home.
    You just have to leave for the day dont take no for an answer.
    Good luck



  • Have a day off! Tell me you are going out for the day and let him look after the baby, clean the house and tell him you’ll be home to a cooked meal from him. I think he would quickly have a new appreciation for all the things you do.



  • Does he know how you feel if not he needs to know


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