We had organised a Secret Santa party for the girls (nearly 4 year old twins), and invited some of the children from child care that they like. We are only new to the area. My trusty old friends are coming. The problem is none of the children invited from the child care centre are coming. One of the twins is so excited. What do I tell her, without breaking her little heart? Thanks.


Posted anonymously, 12th December 2013


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  • Kristy that’s exactly what happened at my daughters 6th birthday, we invited the minimum of 10 and 3 showed up even after I sent home reminders saying I needed to confirm final numbers!! Parents are just so rude now!! (Especially when you still have to pay for 10 children minimum at playcentres etc!)
    Shauna that is really rude and not helpful at all!
    Why plan parties this time of year? well some kids do have birthdays around this time of year!
    There is no excuse for not turning up and it has nothing to do with old friends not being good enough! Seriously?? Some people just shouldn’t comment if that’s all they can add!
    I’m sorry this happened to you & your little girls, it’s horrible and people have become so rude and don’t even bother replying in most cases!
    We didn’t bother having a party this year and just made the day extra special instead!



  • This happens. My daughters 7th birthday this year, she invited 10 school friends and only 3 turned up ( some didn’t reply and some said they were coming but didn’t). Her best friends turned up though and it didn’t bother her one bit that the others didn’t show. She still had a great time. It was only me that it annoyed and upset so I think your daughter will be fine. :) merry Christmas to you x



  • Tell them their friends can’t make it as they have family things to do and that in the new year you can plan another fun party for their friends to attend?



  • Maybe next year arrange the party a couple of weeks before their birthday. The girls won’t mind and the parents of other kids will probably have the time to attend. This is such a busy time of year, some people just may not have the time to attend or finances to be buying those extra couple of presents.



  • My son has lots of little friends at daycare as well and I guess the trusty old friends whom always turn up have a connection to you which the daycare parents don’t and this close to Xmas with so much on parents have to choose between family, work do’s, their trusty friends etc. I wouldn’t feel bad just tell the truth everyone’s busy cause Santa is coming. It will all be forgotten on the day I’m sure. And to mattandleanne I am also not a local yokel which is tough on kids but I always approach newbies and have swapped phones for play dates over Xmas to a new girl in my girls class as she will have no one to play with over the holidays.



  • Not helpful? It’s an opinion… She can choose to ignore it if she wants to. I’m just putting it out there from another Mom who gets her children invited to so many parties in the year that it becomes both a logistical and financial stress to try to make it out to all of them. I think children’s parties have now turned into competition for Mommies. Who has the best party food, most creative decorations, best loot bags, most children attended…. Etc. Not everything has to be this picture perfect “out of a magazine” party. I’m sure your children would be most impressed if their
    parents were both there and a few close friends. What’s important is spending time with your kids and making them the priority, not this high school drama of “who’s showing up” and “why so few people”.



  • It is very sad that not one could come, but it is very busy at this time of year. I would say that their parents had other things on and that they will most likely be able to come next time. Make a big deal about everything else like your old friends coming and what a cool birthday cake they might have etc. I wouldn’t make promises of other play dates as they may not happen and that would be more disappointment. I only tell my children certain things as a lot of the time things change and don’t happen. I also arrange things first and tell them only when it is certain to happen. Saves a lot of tears. Try not to let it get to you and just enjoy the day with those that do come.



  • Be truthfull.this time of year is very busy with many family’s-family visiting/going away/etc.



  • MattandLeeanne Broady, the excuse you were given about being new in town and not inviting you for that reason is just ridonkulous. So ridonkulous in fact that I used a made up word!! I’m sure your daughter will be better off without having friends like that! I’d see it as the perfect chance to make new friendships. Merry Christmas!



  • Shauna, I don’t think that is very helpful. I’m not sure how you have taken what this IM has said, but let’s be a little nicer! This mummy just wants her children to have fun with ALL their friends, old and new. She obviously is extremely grateful that their old friends can be relied on, unfortunately in this case, not the new friends at day care.



  • You may not agree with my advice ^ but seriously you are the one who created the disappointment in them by overcommitting in the first place. What’s wrong with “trusty old friends”? You make it sound like they are not good enough and that the real reason you want this party is to materialize new friends for yourself and kids because what they have now isn’t somehow enough.



  • Why the pressure to have giant birthday parties and Christmas parties for everyone in the the class… ?? No offense, but you kind of set yourself up for disappointment by expecting a good turn out around Christmas time for a holiday party. Focus on your child, your immediate family and friends and stop setting up huge expectations for these huge parties. I swear there are more important things as a parent you should focus your energy on.



  • At 4 with so much going on they will hardly notice.They catch up with their new friends soon enough if they ask about them.



  • Break the bad news gently and quickly, and then give her the good news… Like say oh by the way your friends from daycare won’t be able to come but guess what?! So and so is coming and so and so and they are so excited its going to be so much fun! Then turn on the radio or even better have their fav cd ready to go and turn it up and act crazy and dance around with them so that they are having so much fun they forget! Haha!


  • Yes Teresa Clark Ayto well that’s what the mother said but this kid was late to our daughters party and went home early so don’t know if they only came to the party to make it look good cos her other friends were going but our daughter got over it and she doesn’t go to the same school with this child and she has really good friends now but I couldn’t believe it myself to me when someone is new to town it’s nice to invite them to bday parties so they can get to know people and the parents can get to know other parents etc


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