Hi mums, I’ve been with my boyfriend, for several years. I stopped spending time with him and his girls’ years ago as one of them just wanted to spend time with their dad! I respected this and have not seen them for years. On the weekend I was still there when they arrived; it was pleasant, but when I left they were watching TV as I had been on the computer.

We said hello to each other as I was leaving their dad got up to see me out and when I went to kiss him goodbye he shook his head as to say no. Prior to the girls visit he had been very huggy and was happy to be kissing me! My gut tells me something isn’t right! Has any one got any answers why he changed when they were present? Thanks.


Posted anonymously, 29th July 2014


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  • You need to sit down with him and communicate your feelings. Perhaps he feels awkward showing affection to a woman in front of his kids, or he feels they would feel awkward seeing it. At the end of the day you really need to talk to him, communication is the main key in every relationship after all.



  • Time to sit down with him and see where things are at for him and you.



  • Hopefully it’s innocent, hopefully it’s just because he doesn’t feel comfortable in front of his girls, however, if your gut is telling you otherwise, you may be right. My first thought was that maybe he is still seeing their mother, BUT don’t take my word for it, I am just merely speculating.
    Good luck. x



  • I would say that his children just feel uncomfortable with you being around and having any contact with their dad while they are around so he just thinks it’s best to not kiss and hug as he doesn’t want to upset them and possibly them not wanting to see their dad anymore.



  • Listen to your gut.I agree doesn’t seem right.I don’t think he’s been honest to you or his girls & perhaps a bit deceptive. I can understand that he doesn’t want to upset his girls but you’re in a steady relationship & not a ship in the night. If he’s serious about your relationship you should all be spending time together. What he’s going to wait til she’s 20 & hope she understands? You’ve been more than accommodating & showed understanding to his girls feeling-now it’s his turn.



  • One of his girls doesn’t like you and he wants to respect her decision.



  • His girls may know but maybe he doesn’t want to flaunt it in their faces. Some parents don’t feel comfortable kissing and cuddling in front of the kids .. especially if hubbies hands tend to wonder when he does it. Try not to read too much into it. Ask him if your really worried about it.



  • Try not to think about it to much if it’s meant to be it will feel natural



  • I think he is letting his children run the show and doesn’t want you to be seen as any more than a friend in front of the children. I think you need to speak to him about this and if you do feel concern maybe you do need to question the relationship. If he is not willing to share all himself – including his children, there isn’t likely to be a future with him.



  • Maybe he doesn’t want to upset his children. Have you asked him?



  • Sounds like he hasn’t been clear with his girls as to the true nature of your relationship. As you have been together for years, he may have some issues he needs to confront. You have been very understanding for a long time, and it might be his turn to take a stand about your relationship. Good luck and I hope you can resolve this.



  • Is he scared that it may not work out with you? Was his split from the girls mother his decision or hers? He may want to protect his girls who are obviously also feeling insecure. You need to have a chat with your boyfriend and how you are feeling and where you want your relationship to go – including welcoming the girls into your life. Good luck, it would hurt terribly. I hope he can open up to you.


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