Our 8yo daughter is a sweet kid, chatty and friendly. However she doesn’t seem to have formed any close friendships at school. Other girls seem to have a ‘bestie’, or a group of close friends but our daughter doesn’t. How can we encourage forming bonds with other children? I feel a bit guilty as I can be quite shy, and find it difficult to ‘put myself out there’ with the other school Mums, I don’t know if maybe I have contributed to her lack of social circle.

Posted by emjari, 17th December 2013

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  • I would suggest play dates and perhaps there might be school sporting groups that your daughter could join.

  • I am the same as you, but I had to make an effort to go to the Christmas drinks and the parties. Offer to go to play dates, parks, lunch, cinema with other mums and kids. It’s hard but your daughter may also just be shy like you!

  • Maybe ask her if she would like to invite a friend or 2 over for a play-date, or ask her if she would like to invite some friends over for dinner or something… She could be just a shy little girl, and it will probably happen more as she gets into her teens…

  • It is good reading the comments and interest to this!

  • I always tell my kids “Have lots of friends, not just one or 2, then you won’t be lonely if your besties are away. If it’s not bothering your daughter, don’t let it bother you. You could always encourage play dates or sleepovers to encourage friends

  • Arrange some play dates or other get togethers, have a party for Easter or some other theme.

  • I asked a similar question as we have a child with disabilities and friends suggested that I invite kids over with their parents for like a high tea and then it helps the children bond etc. It sounds like a great idea for us it would be playing with lego as I have a boy although my son would like to eat too LOL

  • she may have more friends than you know, talk to her teacher and see what she says

  • Ask her if she wants to arrange a play date with any of her friends. One on one instead of group might help her.

  • Invite some school friends over to your house. Best time is school holidays when everyone is trying to find time to do things without their kids! They rotate from one persons house to the next and you only end up having them there one day a week. It’s great for the kids and the adults!

  • maybe ask her who her friends are and then bring then around more

  • Try and encourage her to join a club or team either within the school or as an extra carricular activity, it can be difficult to find friends in a new school, a common bond can help, swimming, dance, sport, music

  • See if she could have a friend over after school for a couple of hours or let her to go a friends place and see how that goes.

  • My 5 year old just started school this year and he is experiencing the same thing already. Every kid seems to already form a clique and my poor son is stuck by himself alone int he shade. he is terribly shy and teachers have tried to help him but it isnt workin :(

  • I too have this problem with my nearly 10year old and she has had trouble since kinder finding kids around her have besties and or groups and she never seems to fit in. She has had sleep overs and birthday parties and as we live on a farm we found at her old school and last year at her new school that kids often would like to come over and see all the animals and ride the horses only to go back to school and they don’t want to hang around with her until they want to come over again. She has been involved with netball since 5 and touch football for the last two years that is fine it is just at school were she feel that she does not fit in.

    I to am lost for ideas!

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