Now that both my children are at school full time, I feel like I don’t know who I am other then a mum and wife…I seem to have lost my own personal identity…does that make sense….and I am wondering if anyone else has felt the same or got there identity back to the what they were before kids

Posted anonymously, 15th October 2018

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  • All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mum, so it’s a situation that suits me. Although I do understand that sometimes the every day routine can feel very monotonous. Perhaps find something that makes you happy that you can do while the children are at school e.g join a sporting club like social tennis.

  • Absolutely ! I’m only just starting to find myself again. I did an online course and have started doing some other training and volunteering whilst my daughters are at school. That is definitely helping.

  • I have always kept my interests and hobbies and developed new ones too. It is always important for women and mums to keep their interests and to do things they love. I am a mum, but also me too.

  • Yep, totally know where you’re coming from! It took me a few years after the kids moved out to adjust to being me again. Have you considered part time or voluntary work while the kids are at school? That would help a bit

  • I don’t feel as though I have lost myself but I definitely think that my responsibility has shifted and increased. I think there is less flexibility and more compromises but I feel like this is very normal for motherhood. I try to have time to myself or even time to socialise with my friends to make sure I am also looking after myself.

  • Wow, yes. I know when I had my first I became the mum and wife who did everything. I never worried about me. But when I had my 2nd I knew I had to find something I loved. I took on Makeup and became a Makeup Artist. I then had another child, who is now 2, and again I felt that sense of being lost. I couldn’t continue with makeup because I had a very challenging baby. My other two were in school now so again I looked at what I loved and where I wanted to be when all three went to school. I decided to finally get my degree in Education. I am now 2nd year at Uni studying a Bachelor of Education. It is something for me. I am a wife, a mum of three and now a student. I know I am done with having kids but I also know that I needed something in my life that gave me a push to do something in a few years time.

    I would recommend finding something you enjoy. If you like baking, become the best you can be. Teach yourself, watch youtube vids and practice. If you feel like studying, do that. Follow your passion. Yes, you might have to find what it is but once you do, follow it. You are still a person. You are still you even though you are someone else’s mum and wife, you still are you! Find you again!

  • I didn’t have much help from my own mother so had no choice really even though it is rewarding . If your children are at school, maybe do some volunterring such as canteen work as schools always need help and it will give you some confidence, I did that and continued doing other volunteering work and now that my kids are both adults I don’t feel too lost like I did before. Good luck :)

  • Yes absolutely.. I’m trying to give myself a bit more focus and remind myself that I’m important to.. Work in progress ????????

  • Yes absolutely.. I’m trying to give myself a bit more focus and remind myself that I’m important to.. Work in progress ????????

  • Yes I feel like that some times. I have 2 at school and 2 at home and sometimes I feel like I exist just for them but I have started doing more stuff just for me. I’ve started studying what I want and made more areas just for me how I like not making it better for anyone else. Just me :)

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