I have full custodial care of my granddaughter. She is 4 and has ADHD, adjustment disorder, anxiety, voiding dysfunction, and must take medication on a regular schedule. Her schedule is not followed near the schedule at home. She goes to bed at 7pm and is up by 8am. When I call, she is still in bed at 10 or 11 most times. She has to take her meds at certain times of the day and if she isn’t getting it, I deal with the problems when she comes home as well as her difficulty transitioning from one “free for all” home to our home again. How do I handle this? It seems that no matter what I do or say, I am ignored and her important schedule is not followed and her gains in independence have been thwarted by the regressive encouragement from this person.


Posted by mom100810, 2nd February 2015


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  • When there are medical issues involved and you have custody it might be a matter of saying no. They can come and visit and take her to the park for an hour or something but no overnights if they cannot respect and understand her needs.



  • I would seek further court orders that all visits are supervised so that it’s only a couple of hours during the day and the visit is supervised and instructions can be given to the supervisor.



  • If you have full custodial care of your grand daughter and her needs aren’t being met only put her with any other people for as long as you have to and no more. obviously who she is staying with is not helping improve her quality of life. if it’s family stop her from going they will shape up if they really care for her well being as you do.
    Good Luck. And notify ‘the authorities that be’ that gave you the custodial care of her that the family is not conforming to her needed care so that the courts can deal with the stress and not you.



  • Is there any restrictions via court order at all? They have given you full custody of your grandaughter for a reason- obviously she wasn’t being adequately care for at home. I would seek advice whether or not you have to let her stay overnight. In some cases in SA only supervised visits are allowed and sometimes time is also restricted.



  • If you have full custodial care then you have been given responsibility to ensure needs for health particularly are met. Discuss this with child care for how to deal with this issue, so you have support in getting your message across in a polite but clear manner. Anger and frustration etc are not good for the child concerned or you…….



  • I agree with BELLAB .. the health of the child comes first and if family members can not stick to her routine and her schedules then time spent must be limited until they conform.
    There is a reason why you are her custodial carer and if relatives, are trying to over through your good work then the law court etc needs to be told.
    Wishing you and your granddaughter all the very best of wishes for happy times and improved health.



  • If you have full custody, you may need to insist on shorter visits and no overnights.


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