I have two daughters a 2 year old and one that recently turned 5. Both my daughters share the same room and each have their own bed. My 2 year old has no problem sleeping in her own bed but lately my 5 year old has been crying to sleeping with me and my husband on our bed almost every night. I’ve sat down with her and asked her on why she feels this way but she always tears up and just says “I want to sleep with you” some nights I’ve woken up to her sleeping at the end of my bed. She’s fine sleeping on her bed around nap time in the afternoon but as the sun starts to go down and it’s nearing bed time she starts to tear up and continually tell me she doesn’t want to sleep on her bed and would rather sleep with me. My husband and I don’t have a big bed so I’m often squashed and don’t get a proper sleep when my 5 year old joins us. Has anyone been through this and how did you get your child to sleeping back on their bed?


Posted by trishoet, 3rd October 2017


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  • I guess I am a bit of a tough love mumma. I actually didn’t have this issue with my children at all because I would simply not allow it unless it was a ‘special occasion’ where such was pre-planned. Though I am frequently asked by someone hoping that they can and just testing to see if the answer is still ‘no’. Often, though, this is used to book in some personal time with me at another time.

    It has been more of a problem with the step-children. My husband would let them before I was on the scene so it became a whole bunch of marriage awkwardness. The reality was that my husband would simply allow it without questioning it. Once we started asking why we could ‘manage’ any fears and ‘debunk’ and claims that we knew were ludicrous. Now at least we have it down to the nightmares related to their biological mother’s home.

    It’s hard when they cry out in fear because the had a nightmare. Sometimes it is as simple as that they could not see the dog anymore at Mum’s because the step-Dad had left and taken his dog with him. Other times, it is nightmares of the mother harming herself (which has occurred before). We have got assuring them down to a fine art now though so they are settled back into their own bed and not ours. Often, because they start crying out whilst still asleep I get to their bed before they even fully wake.

    You know your children better than someone on the other side of the internet does though, so I guess you need to decide if it is a fear to be managed, a form of personal time need that you can meet earlier in the day or whether it is a put on that needs to be managed. You know best which it is.



  • Tell your daughter that shes a big girl now and big girls sleep in their own bed. Tell her how proud you’d be.
    Maybe get her a special teddy so she has something to cuddle.



  • My son used to do this and I couldn’t sleep either. I placed a small mattress beside me on the floor and in time moved it some cm away from me, towards his own room, till he decided he could sleep in his own room.



  • I just put up with the crying and distress(both of us) for the week it took to re-set his routine. There are sleep clinics like Tweedle in Melbourne you can go to that are fantastic! My sister used these and they had them both trained in a weekend!



  • My children are 7 and 9 and whilst I put them into their own beds every night I find my 9 year old in her sisters bed nearly every morning. We are currently using quiet ocean music to help her get to sleep in her own bed. I also have her a giant 1.2m teddy so it feels like solmeone else in her bed with her.



  • My almost 5 year old still needs me to be in bed with her to fall asleep, which is easier in my queen bed than her double bed. Great question haha.


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