So i have a 10 yr old step daughter and a 9 month old baby. I haven’t worked in almost 2 years because of a complicated pregnancy. I want to try and start looking for a job now. But my partner is not supportive, he thinks I won’t be able to handle a part-time or casual job and looking after the kids because I have severe anxiety and depression and am not on medication at the moment. I feel like it would be good for me to feel productive by having a job. My last 2 jobs caused a lot of anxiety but I also hated what I was doing, I plan to look for a job in my chosen field and not settle for anything just because I need one. But he still thinks its not a good idea and wonders who will look after the baby. When I said him, (since he works nights and friday/Saturday days) he said disagrees because the baby is dependant on my boobs (his words). He said I should wait until the baby is no longer breastfeeding. But i can express and give him milk in a sippy cup.
Sooo..
Is it ok for me to go ahead and try to find a job or should I talk to my partner more first?


Posted anonymously, 15th May 2018


Want more real mum questions sent to you?


Topics:
Ask your question

  • I think you both need to be on the same page. If you’re not, there will be friction and stress at home on top of everything else. Perhaps you can sit down and go through why you want/need to work and he can pop down his issues and then talk about how you can address all of the issues on the pages.



  • If you are willing to wait for the right job and it is for your wellbeing I say go for it. You can not be a good mum if you are not taking care of yourself. Although obviously you need to discuss with him and get some agreement – I would frame it in a way that lets him know if is something you need.



  • It sounds like your husband is just trying to look out for your mental and emotional well being. Maybe you could start by doing some volunteering or a course or work just one day a week to get a feel for things and build your way up. Breastfeeding does restrict things but breast pumps exist for a reason and as long as the baby takes a bottle it shouldn’t be an issue.



  • My husband was opposite of yours as at the time it was tight on finances. However I was able to work part time for a few years because my MIL looked after my kids and then later full time because they were bit bigger and more independent . In your situation, so you care more clear with yourself is to write down pros and cons of going back to work. It is true breastfeeding is a bit less flexible but I know you can express which I have seen my SIL did with her time. Your husband seems like he doesn’t want you to get stressed , that’s why he is against you going back to work so soon by what you have told us. If you have family support it is much easier to make a decision , so look into that as well. There is also time in going to interviews etc so its not just jumping out the house to work. Hope it works out and make sure you are happy with the final decisions. Good luck :)



  • Yes! You can Express and the baby can have that. I’d recommend asking OH why he feels so strongly and truly to explain to him why you feel so strongly about this but otherwise logically, no there is no harm in starting to search for something suitable. :-)



  • If you feel going back to work would be good for you and your family then make sure it i something you want to do. Another idea if this is to get you out of the house then why not do a course in something tht you like. You could also do vountary work in an area that you want again to do, this can sometimes lead to paid work. Remembr that child care can be expensive. Think it is up to you and your husband to work out benifit for all concerned, Best wishes on what you choose to do



  • I hope your able to find what you are looking for.



  • I see no issue with looking for work while being a mum. Lots of parents do it. A major consideration would of course be childcare. Do you have a relative to help out with thus? Otherwise you can expect to pay most of your income on childcare



  • I really think this is something you need to work out with your partner, and find a solution you can both be happy about. It may take a while for you to find the type of work you really want which might give you the time you need to work things out.



  • I think it’s great your partner is able to support you all financially without putting pressure on you to return. But End of the day, if you feel you want to return to work, it’s your call and what’s best for your family situation and your mental health. Have you tried to seek a mental health plan from your gp or someone close to seek advice to help with your decision. Hope this helps.



  • If you feel working would benefit you then start looking! Just make sure before you start the search that you have a plan in place for suitable care for your baby. I suggest sitting down with your partner and work out a schedule of days and times you can work aswell as a care regime for your bub. If he’s not willing or is defiant about the idea then it’s going to make it harder for you.



  • Work together and do what’s best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong but if you want to work and have flexibility explain your reasons and I’m sure you will all be happy.



  • You could study in the meantime in preparation for work. I did. Now I am looking for something that I can do at home for a few hours but I feel the work opportunities are limited. I tried Airstasker but it seems so competitive even for someone qualified in a work activity.



  • If you feel like your ready then go for it. If you think yiur ready but unsure maybe do a part time course or join a hobby class to get use to a routine outside of the house. As for your husband not being supportive most men are like that because they like being the bread winners my hubby was like that too now he sees the difference it makes with both of us working he is now all for it. You go get em mumma



  • Obviously you’re a team so it helps to be on the same page but I don’t see why you can’t look for work, especially seeing as you said you don’t need to just take any job that comes along. You can make the choice to accept a job that fits your life right now and meets yours and your babies needs.
    Like you pointed out, you feel like a job might help you mentally right now and thats a big plus. Plenty of women work when they have babies and there are options like expressing milk and giving a bottle through the day if you’re at work.
    Sounds like your partner just needs a bit of persuasion and it helps to do that by staying calm and pointing out the benefits (your mental health, finances, time for him to bond with the baby) and explain that the baby’s feeds can be sorted. It’s unlikely, if you start looking now that you’ll get something straight away anyway.


Post an answer
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

What is your answer to that question?
Would you like to include a photo?

No picture uploaded yet
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.

Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your answer and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just submit?

Write A Rating Just Submit
Join