I have always lived very close to all my family but now I have decided to go further away from all my family in a bid to get my kids into a better school. Is it selfish to expect everyone to travel 2hrs each way to visit us?


Posted anonymously, 21st July 2019


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  • I think you have to do what you think is right for your children.



  • It’s not selfish of you to move but as far as family go it depends. Grandparents may find it hard to visit but siblings etc should be prepared to meet you halfway in this. It is what’s best for your children and you are allowed to further their education for the better.



  • So many variables, I wouldn’t expect them to do it all the time but for special occasions I think it’s reasonable.



  • I’m not sure if I’d call it selfish. But I wouldn’t expect them to constantly be visiting. I moved 30 mins away from my family, and they may come visit once every 2 months. My in-laws live the next road over from us and they struggle to visit even that much. I wouldn’t get your hopes up and expect to be driving the distance to see them if anything



  • If you are also prepared to travel to visit them and most likely see them less often then no, it’s fine. 2 hours is not that long a trip or you could meet halfway.



  • 2 hours is not that far. People move all the time and if you didn’t make this move based on the perceived reactions of other people you might find that a few years down the track some of them may have moved anyway, and not taken you into consideration. Having kids in school might limit your travelling, but not much. There’s Facetime/phone calls/emails to keep in touch on a daily basis and there’s always half-way….. this is what my sister’s in-laws do (they live in the States!…..and meet in Hawaii lol).



  • It;s always a hard decision to make, to make the move away from family, but if you are doing it for the best interests of your kids, it is a sacrifice that needs to be made. The main thing is to not lose contact/touch with your family. Give and take on all sides is paramount. Don’t expect them to visit you every time, make sure you make the effort to make the long trip yourself too. Plan days out where you can all meet in a central location so the driving time/distance is shared. Make regular phone calls to other family members to keep up to date with what’s happening and don’t drift apart.



  • As long as you understand that if you expect them to travel 2 hours each way it means you have to be willing to travel it to go and see them too. Just take it in turns. I have family about that distance away and we only see each other a couple of times a year but every school holidays at least isn’t too much effort.



  • You are doing it for your children. Of course the relations will change this way. Your family won’t be able to be involved in your kids’ life as before. But you just need to plan. And make sure to have a very big guest room at your place. :-) And during school holidays you can visit them.



  • Maybe you could find suitable place to meet which involves less time travelling for everybody involved. You made the decision to move for your children’s education so you need to reach a compromise with relatives involved in yours and your children’s lives. What effect is going to have on your children emotionally if there is long term separation for them? Things to consider reaching a compromise so all of you have at least some regular contact


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