A mum has asked if it would be unfair to tell her husband that she wants to spend her first Mother’s Day without his family around.

A mum has taken to Reddit to ask if would be unreasonable to ask her husband to spend Mother’s Day without his family around. The mum says it is her first Mother’s Day and she would like to have some control over what is involved, rather than catering to her mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law.

Needing Some Space

After having lunch with her husband’s family, the mum says she felt like she had no say in what Mother’s Day would involve. “This Mother’s Day will be my first official Mother’s Day as a new mum,” she wrote on the forum. “That said, it will most likely be my grandmother-in-law’s last Mother’s Day. I would really like to spend my first Mother’s Day with just my own nuclear family (my husband and my son), but at lunch with my mother-in-law today, she basically told us what we would be doing for Mother’s Day and that we didn’t have a choice.”

The mum says that her history with her mother-in-law also makes the situation more difficult. “I think I’m especially sensitive to big family plans with my husband’s family because she often makes plans FOR us rather than asking,” she wrote.

New Priorities

Comments on the mum’s post sympathised with her situation. “The grandmother is not your mother and it’s not like it’s her last day,” wrote one forum user. “Your husband has a new family now, and new commitments.” “Start putting your foot down,” said another. “Don’t let her ruin your lives.”

While most believed the mum was entitled to her ideal Mother’s Day, others said the decision is a little selfish. “She’s your husband’s mother and your baby’s grandmother,” one comment said. “Maybe you can find it in your heart to graciously grant her this Mother’s Day, from one mum to another.”

Did you spend Mother’s Day with your mother-in-law? Let us know in the comments!


  • We did morning for me. Lunch with my MIL and SIL. Dinner for me. Worked fine. Would have seen my mum for dinner but my kids weren’t feeling well after a big day so we had to miss it.

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  • Fair enough too. It’s her day too!

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  • That is a fair call. She should spend it how she wants.

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  • I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with my Mother or Mother-in-law this year. Lack of boundaries around safety and manipulation of my child has forced me away from both. This Mother’s Day was all about me, my hubby and my son and I absolutely enjoyed it.

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  • Fair enough. I’m sure the parents and in-laws would understand. You only get one First Mothers Day and she want’s to enjoy it.

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  • I totally understand where she is coming from. I have a very pushy mother-in-law and she has at times forced herself on us when I would rather have focused on our own little family. I think once you become a mother yourself their should be more focus on you and less on your own mother as she has had every other year. There is no reason why they couldn’t perhaps just celebrate mother’s day on the saturday with the in-laws and then Sunday be a special day for her. There should always be compromise but I tend to see mother’s day as being my own special day where we do the things that I enjoy (which for me is family friendly activities while still having a sleep in).

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  • I think it is quite unreasonable to blatantly say we aren’t seeing them for Mother’s Day at all. That being said there is no reason she can’t just say ‘look, I would like to spend mother’s day at home just with my husband and son. How about we celebrate mother’s day with the mother in law and grandmother on Saturday instead’

    I took my own mother out for lunch on Saturday rather then Sunday (mainly because we are all completely unorganised and didn’t book anywhere in time). But hey. We still took the time to acknowledge the mother’s in our lives – doesn’t mean any less just because it wasn’t on the Sunday.

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  • I think mother’s day’s a bit like birthdays some want it to be all about them, personally I woke up on mother’s day a proud mummy to a gorgeous toddler smiling at me and had my mum and dad over for lunch to see my mum happy and having a lovely day with us was the perfect mother’s day

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  • Actually yes! My mother in law was just with us by chance. I picked a flower for her. She is quite happy.

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  • We used to celebrate with my husbands mum and family one year and my mum and family the next – it seemed to work out well.

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  • I think this article is more about a clash of personalities rather than just Mothers Day.

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  • We have 2 days for Mother’s Day! One day for husband side and one for my side! It certainly makes life easy! We can spend more time with each family this way without running around the countryside trying to catch up! This has been going on for years and it works! Take turns each year to celebrate on the day with each family! Alternate the following year!

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  • It’s fair enough. It’s a day for all mums and sometimes a call will suffice.

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  • I hope she got the mothers day she wanted :) I have traveled but this year we had a quiet mothers day at home

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  • I hope she had her Mother’s Day her way. It is such a full on day when all you do is drive around visiting, didn’t really feel like I had a mothers day

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