Mum shares the reason why she cancelled her sons 6th birthday and people are divided in their opinions.

“Am I a cruel mum? I’ve just had enough of my boy misbehaving!

“It’s been a particularly bad week with my son back-chatting, not listening, pushing his siblings and getting into trouble at school.

“It’s his 6th birthday today and we pretty much cancelled it!

“We didn’t give him his presents or have a cake and are so close to cancelling his party (but it has cost too much to organise!).

“I do feel awful about it as I love celebrating birthday’s but we’ve just had enough. Do you think we went too far?”

Parents share their opinions

Some parents agree with the mums actions saying kids need to learn their are consequences to their behaviour.

While others argued that it was way too harsh and taking away special days, like a birthday, is just plain cruel.

Against:

“I could never live with myself if I missed a birthday with my child. You never know when the last birthday will be as anything can happen at any time. Cherish every moment while you still can.”

” I am shocked at some of these responses. Kids can have bad weeks too. They show their emotions through their behaviour. It’s like adults forget kids are emotional beings too. They are expected to conform and over ride their emotions when we would never ask an adult to do the same. All this kid is going to remember is the awful feelings and resentment associated with having his birthday uncelebrated, not the lead up to it. And he’s not going to learn how to behave next time he’s feeling mad or sad. No positive tools have been given. He’s learning vindictiveness and mean-ness, to get another person to conform to his wishes at any cost. Not a great message to send.”

“Too harsh. You can’t take away a birthday.”

“I think that’s mean. If you had to choose I think the party should have been cancelled. But not acknowedging his birthday… He is 6 years old.. He’s so so young.”

“Absolutely too far, everyone should feel special on their birthday, I would never use that as a punishment!”

“Too far in my opinion you should never take away a birthday there are other ways to deal.”

“Birthdays are special and to be cherished. He will never turn 6 ever again. There are other ways to punish your child. A bit extreme and a decision I believe you will come to regret as time goes by.”

For:

“You are not a bad mum. You are obviously at your wits ends but I feel like you shouldn’t punish kids by taking their birthday away. It is only one day a year and should be celebrated no matter what. If you are out of ideas you could google ideas for age appropriate consequences/punishments.”

“Nope. They gotta learn. You don’t reward bad behaviour.”

“Consequences. It’s a pity all parents dont stick to their guns. Might be less bratty kids around if parents werent so soft.”

“I’d have done the exact same. It’s not too far at all. Why on earth should he get treats when his behaviour is out of control. You’re setting those boundries and not being one of those washy mums who caves and the kid learns he can get away with anything. I’d still acknowledge his birthday but presents and cake are not essentials, he can earn that priviledge back. You’re raising a boy to be a respectful man. Put in the hard yards now before he is an entitled bratty teen.”

“Your kid your rules.”

“You go girl! You do what you have to. I have been pushed there.
I cried and cried I told my hubby I couldn’t parent my 8 year old. I stopped talking to my 3 older kids (12,11,8) for 1 week because what was the point when they didn’t listen to me.
He still gets his party so he will be fine.
Hopefully it was a rude awakening for him…
Nothing but support from this exhausted mummy of 4…”

“My mum did this when we were kids. Our parties were cancelled because we didn’t deserve them (maybe happened once to both of us). But we learnt! And I still LOVE birthdays! And my mum!! I respect her more than anyone on this planet!! She is a wonderful mum and grandmother. You gotta do what you gotta do, and we all have to learn.”

“No way. I cancelled Christmas a few years back. Copped some flack for it but don’t care. I gave my son two choices as a consequence of a big run of poor choices and bad behaviour on his part. He chose to cancel Christmas the alternate was to withdraw from the remainder of his futsal season. His rationale was it was one day futsal vs a whole season and he’d be letting his mates down. I actaully was very proud of his choice and thought process and told him that too when we were calmly talking after the fact.
How do we humans ever learn there is a consequence to every action (both good and bad) if we don’t follow through.
You don’t love them any less.”

Join our Facebook discussion below:


  • I wouldn’t have cancelled the birthday, that is a special celebration of the day he was born however some other punishment would have sufficed.

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  • You need to carry through on threats and sometimes you just don’t not what else to do when their behaviour is out of control. Yes it is a bit mean but also why reward bad behaviour. kid thinks ”I can do this and still get to celebrate my birthday.” Nope! Good on you, do it your way and not worry about others reactions. They aren’t dealing with it constantly.

    Reply


  • If it was a threat and he still misbehaved, then you needed to carry it through… at 6 I’m not sure I could have but they need to learn.

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  • My son isn’t 6 yet so I can’t really comment, but I do feel sorry for the kid.

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  • If you threatened it then yes you do have to otherwise it is empty and they will assume all other threatened punishments are. They will learn that you will follow through with your punishment no matter what, you are the boss not them

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  • I think cancelling a birthday is pretty extreme. There are other “punishments” that may have been more suitable in my opinion.

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  • Children have to learn to be responsible for their actions and that will be consequences especially if they have had several warnings and had it explained why the behaviour is wrong a few times. Up under a certain age kids have a short concentration span and need a few reminders. I wonder if there is problems with behaviour at school. If he is being bullied it may be his reaction. Have you sat down with him and calmly asked him if there is anything happening he hasn’t told you about. It could be something happening at school. Or people passing comments or intimidating him in other ways when they pass him anywhere

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  • I would have acknowledged his birthday and given him a present but I would have cancelled the party. You’d only have to do this once but explain to him what your reasoning was.

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  • My daughter has just turn 14 I told her at the start of the Christmas holidays if she doesn’t clean her room by the time school started back I wouldn’t get her any birthday presents. Her room is not clean she had no presents from us but still got them from other family I asked her why she did clean her room she said she thought I wouldn’t go thought with it and I would give her presents

    Reply


  • I completely understand where this mum is coming from, my son was completely out of control at kids functions, I sought help and was encouraged to try the ADHD diet which worked miracles. He is now highly successful, married with young son, clone of his dad at same age and also being very, very successfully managed on ADHD diet. My grandson regularly gets student of the week award, very proud of both of them.

    Reply


  • She didn’t completely cancel the party. Just didn’t do the presents or family celebration. I’m sure he eventually got his presents when the behavior improved. Nothing wrong with it!

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  • I think the punishment needs to be immediate, on the day or following the act for a 6 year old to understand the consequences. Birthdays are special and should be celebrated. However, I do understand being a Mum at her wits end when nothing else will work. He may be pushing the boundaries, or there may be more going on.

    Reply


  • As a mum who has 6 year old if my son is naughty I give punishment straightway for example I said no tv because of his behaviour and so for whole day and night he had to tv so he was ???? for the rest of the week. Not having the party good idea but not celebrations ???? no cake or gift his 6 not 36 . No u could say if your good all day he can have cake and gift after dinner to celebrate positive attitude is better then a negative

    Reply


  • As a mum who has 6 year old if my son is naughty I give punishment straightway for example I said no tv because of his behaviour and so for whole day and night he had to tv so he was ???? for the rest of the week. Not having the party good idea but not celebrations ???? no cake or gift his 6 not 36 . No u could say if your good all day he can have cake and gift after dinner to celebrate positive attitude is better then a negative

    Reply


  • As a mum who has 6 year old if my son is naughty I give punishment straightway for example I said no tv because of his behaviour and so for whole day and night he had to tv so he was ???? for the rest of the week. Not having the party good idea but not celebrations ???? no cake or gift his 6 not 36 . No u could say if your good all day he can have cake and gift after dinner to celebrate positive attitude is better then a negative

    Reply

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