Mum shares the reason why she cancelled her sons 6th birthday and people are divided in their opinions.

“Am I a cruel mum? I’ve just had enough of my boy misbehaving!

“It’s been a particularly bad week with my son back-chatting, not listening, pushing his siblings and getting into trouble at school.

“It’s his 6th birthday today and we pretty much cancelled it!

“We didn’t give him his presents or have a cake and are so close to cancelling his party (but it has cost too much to organise!).

“I do feel awful about it as I love celebrating birthday’s but we’ve just had enough. Do you think we went too far?”

Parents share their opinions

Some parents agree with the mums actions saying kids need to learn their are consequences to their behaviour.

While others argued that it was way too harsh and taking away special days, like a birthday, is just plain cruel.

Against:

“I could never live with myself if I missed a birthday with my child. You never know when the last birthday will be as anything can happen at any time. Cherish every moment while you still can.”

” I am shocked at some of these responses. Kids can have bad weeks too. They show their emotions through their behaviour. It’s like adults forget kids are emotional beings too. They are expected to conform and over ride their emotions when we would never ask an adult to do the same. All this kid is going to remember is the awful feelings and resentment associated with having his birthday uncelebrated, not the lead up to it. And he’s not going to learn how to behave next time he’s feeling mad or sad. No positive tools have been given. He’s learning vindictiveness and mean-ness, to get another person to conform to his wishes at any cost. Not a great message to send.”

“Too harsh. You can’t take away a birthday.”

“I think that’s mean. If you had to choose I think the party should have been cancelled. But not acknowedging his birthday… He is 6 years old.. He’s so so young.”

“Absolutely too far, everyone should feel special on their birthday, I would never use that as a punishment!”

“Too far in my opinion you should never take away a birthday there are other ways to deal.”

“Birthdays are special and to be cherished. He will never turn 6 ever again. There are other ways to punish your child. A bit extreme and a decision I believe you will come to regret as time goes by.”

For:

“You are not a bad mum. You are obviously at your wits ends but I feel like you shouldn’t punish kids by taking their birthday away. It is only one day a year and should be celebrated no matter what. If you are out of ideas you could google ideas for age appropriate consequences/punishments.”

“Nope. They gotta learn. You don’t reward bad behaviour.”

“Consequences. It’s a pity all parents dont stick to their guns. Might be less bratty kids around if parents werent so soft.”

“I’d have done the exact same. It’s not too far at all. Why on earth should he get treats when his behaviour is out of control. You’re setting those boundries and not being one of those washy mums who caves and the kid learns he can get away with anything. I’d still acknowledge his birthday but presents and cake are not essentials, he can earn that priviledge back. You’re raising a boy to be a respectful man. Put in the hard yards now before he is an entitled bratty teen.”

“Your kid your rules.”

“You go girl! You do what you have to. I have been pushed there.
I cried and cried I told my hubby I couldn’t parent my 8 year old. I stopped talking to my 3 older kids (12,11,8) for 1 week because what was the point when they didn’t listen to me.
He still gets his party so he will be fine.
Hopefully it was a rude awakening for him…
Nothing but support from this exhausted mummy of 4…”

“My mum did this when we were kids. Our parties were cancelled because we didn’t deserve them (maybe happened once to both of us). But we learnt! And I still LOVE birthdays! And my mum!! I respect her more than anyone on this planet!! She is a wonderful mum and grandmother. You gotta do what you gotta do, and we all have to learn.”

“No way. I cancelled Christmas a few years back. Copped some flack for it but don’t care. I gave my son two choices as a consequence of a big run of poor choices and bad behaviour on his part. He chose to cancel Christmas the alternate was to withdraw from the remainder of his futsal season. His rationale was it was one day futsal vs a whole season and he’d be letting his mates down. I actaully was very proud of his choice and thought process and told him that too when we were calmly talking after the fact.
How do we humans ever learn there is a consequence to every action (both good and bad) if we don’t follow through.
You don’t love them any less.”

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  • Tough discussion to make, but if all else fails. Parents have got to do what they think is best

    Reply


  • A Mum knows her child and what will work with them best. Trust yourself.

    Reply


  • I sure can understand a decision like that. My 8year old turns 9 today, she stole some weekend ago 6 of her birthday presents and a present for her sister away. We will celebrate her birthday, there will be gifts, her favourite dinner a special breakfast, decorations, birthday snack for her classmates etc. But there will be no party.

    Reply


  • If the child’s behaviour was extreme enough then definitely! There needs to be consequences to actions and this is just a part of life.

    Reply


  • A mum from playgroup a few years ago did exactly that! Her daughter was a year older than all the other children, she was violent and aggressive, rude and would deliberately ram cars and prams into the adults. She even hit one adult in the back of the head with something. Her mum had had enough and cancelled her 5th or 6th birthday and the girl began to realise that her behaviour was not acceptable and she stopped knocking the younger kids to the ground and stomping on them etc. her whole behaviour really changed.

    Reply


  • I can see this as a valid consequence, but maybe not for a six year old. They literally can’t look far enough ahead.

    Reply


  • I can see both sides to this. I don';t think I could cancel my son’s birthday, but I understand why this mum wants to. Hopefully it would make the child realize that these things arent a given, and if they misbehave they will be taken away

    Reply

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