Romance is in the air. This is the time of year when couples start to think more about ways to show each other how much they love each other.
Of course this means different things to different people. For some it’s romantic dinners, bunches of red roses and maybe a weekend away. For others it might be writing a poem for their sweetheart and for some others it might just be a hug at the end of the day and a carefully selected gift. There is no right or wrong way to show love or affection.
Sometimes what happens though is one partner is waiting, hoping and praying for the grand gesture; a huge bouquet of flowers delivered to their door followed by a romantic dinner for two at a fine restaurant, the complete movie romance. Instead what they get is a heartfelt card and a box of chocolates or maybe their partner isn’t into Valentine’s Day and does nothing at all. Does this mean that they are any less loved? No, but it does indicate that perhaps, they are speaking a different language than their partner.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Languages of Love”. The languages are; acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts and physical touch.
The interesting thing about this is we most often display the language of love that we want to receive and the tricky part is if we aren’t getting back the kind of love we want we are left feeling unloved. What is actually happening though is our partner is just speaking to us in Cantonese when we only understand English.
Are you speaking the same language?
The great thing is now you know what the languages of love are you have an easier job of working out what your partner’s love language is. What does he regularly do for you, without being asked? Does he bring home little gifts or pick you flowers or make things for you? Then his language is gifts and he gets great joy from giving you things and what he is looking for in return is for you to give him gifts in return. This will make him feel loved and cherished.
Or is your man the kind who always, takes out the garbage, checks the oil in your car and maintains it for you? His language is acts of service and what he is looking for is for you to do things for him in return. Or maybe your guy is super affectionate? He loves to hold hands or be in constant contact with you, physically and what he wants is more physical contact and I am not just talking about in the bedroom.
You may find that you or your partner has more than one love language, the trick is to pay attention to what the other person is doing for you and mirror that back to them so that they feel loved and nurtured. Once you identify your own love language you can explain it to your partner so they understand what it is you need to feel loved. If there is one thing I know for sure it is that your partner wants nothing more than for you to feel loved and if you haven’t been speaking the same language you both end up feeling frustrated, disconnected and unloved which is no fun for anyone.