I struggle on a daily basis with just about any choices/decisions I make as a mother. Constantly comparing myself to other mothers I know,or even don’t know. I work fulltime and struggle but I also know I need to work, not only for money but also for my sanity. But along with that comes more and more concerns/worry/stresses. Am I neglecting my 9 year old too much? Am I yelling too much? My 2 year old still has a dummy and a bottle each night – i dont think she should but its easier for me. Im pregnant with my third and Im shit scared of having 2 children under 3. Will I neglect my eldest even more? Will he resent me for not being there enough as I struggle to deal with a baby and a 2 year old and returning to fulltime work?
I personally think I would find my situation easier if I did not feel I was being judged so much.
For when I said: I’d like this next child to be a boy. (As I had found my son easier to handle/raise as opposed to my strong-willed stubborn daughter).
For when I said: our daughter still sleeps with us sometimes.
Our daughter still has a dummy.
Our daughter still has bottles.
She’s not toilet trained yet.
I’ll try to breastfeed my 3rd but never lasted very long with my first two.
I will return to work when this child is 7 months old.
The worst part is much of the commentary regarding my decisions as a parent comes from family members.
Example – I’m ungrateful for wanting another son as there are women out there who cannot conceive
– my kids were toilet trained by 18 months
– we never used bottles OR dummies
– your children shouldn’t sleep with you
– your too easy on them, you need to discipline them more
– you shouldn’t smack your children
– too much television
– and so much more
The impact that this ‘helpful commentary’ has on me is enormous. Self doubts, negative thoughts are just a few things that plague my mind. And this ofcourse negatively impacts on my family, my husband, my children.
Mothers find it difficult enough just trying to do the best that they can without someone telling them they are doing it wrong.
Published 27th May 2019