What do you think about when you hear someone is suffering from mental issues?
Well that’s my life. I am married to my sweetheart and I have a 8 month old baby girl…She is beautiful and I love my life – but it doesn’t come without it’s consequences. I have various Mental Illnesses including anxiety, Social and general, Depression and Borderline personality disorder which is not that well known by many people in our society. I have a disorder that makes it hard to regulate my moods and thought patterns, I can’t see what’s real and what isn’t. I also have a pattern on black and white thinking- I feel things in such a huge way that it impacts my daily life. I have anger issues and although I am happily married and WE are happy. Let me tell you it DOES strain my relationship…luckily I have an amazing supportive husband to help me through it. We live in a rural town and getting proper help has been hard. I have just now been put on the proper medication. I have had 2 psychologist let me down, however I didn’t let that fool me into thinking it was all over.
All of my life I have had bad thoughts and even acted upon them, my home life wasn’t great. I was abused but I am thankful to be out and have a better life now with people who love me.
My anxiety is a constant struggle – sometimes I can’t even go into the shopping centre. The hate and guilt that follows afterwards is immense. I feel horrible for not being able to greet the employees at my local store. I fear that they will think I am rude, when really I have an internal struggle going on.
My depression has also taken a toll on my loved ones and I. There are days that I cannot even look after my own baby. That is something that brings a lot of guilt. There are also times that I didn’t want to be here. But that was the illness talking – NOT me. I usually love my life…I mean I am married to my best friend and what you may call my soul mate. We have amazing, unbelievable chemistry. You would walk into a room and just feel it. You just know that we were meant to be somehow, we are connected in a way that I didn’t think was possible.
I am here to tell you, regardless of the big black cloud hanging over your head that is mental illnesses. YOU CAN fight it. With love and determiniation and proper help, you can see the light. You just have to fight the urge to give up. Hold onto any hope you have and maintain that drive and will to succeed because I guarantee you , that you will not regret holding on. Life is hard and we all know it…some struggle more than others and that is truly saddening. Please if you are reading this, no matter what your struggles are, please hold on…someone will be there for you. I love you. You are worthy and deserving. You ARE beautiful.
Posted by Bree, 24th May 2019
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