My ex and I have been divorced for 7 years. We have two girls, 14 and 12 now. It was very messy divorce and he’s been making my life very difficult! The main thing was the child support and him being in control of every aspect of girls lives. The girls were with me 9 nights and he had them 5 but then I gave in and we have them 50-50. He is very manipulative and money hungry and he convinced the girls that I shouldn’t be receiving child support because I’m not giving them enough money. So he and the girls created a private agreement document with their signatures that he is going to pay child support into girls accounts that only he has access, $250 per fortnight each so they can learn how to deal with money! And that if I don’t sign that the girls can choose where they’re going to live! I felt sick that he is using girls like tools to get what he wants and that he turn them against me! So I told them that they can pack their things and they can live with their dad full time from now on! I told them that their behaviour lately has been very bad but this just top it of! I feel bad for sending them to him but I was pushed into corner and I feel betrayed by them. I feel very hurt and don’t know what to do! Please help!!


Posted anonymously, 13th August 2014


Post your story

  • let your girls know that you love them. I think that you have been hurt and that’s why you made them go but please explain this to them so that they will know that you want them. I think that the father will use this to say to them “see, she doesn’t care/love you” etc. prove that you do! spend quality time with them, sleepover etc and tell them how much that you miss them and want them to come home and explain that you felt lost and thought that they were better off but it turns out that you were wrong. i hope that this works out for you. I can;t imagine what you are going through. i think that you have just made a decision in the heat of the moment, thinking that he would’nt want to deal with it all in a week etc or so but it has backfired.

    Reply


  • Gosh, this is just shocking:
    What happens next is going to depend on what you want. Please don’t be too cross with your daughters, it was your ex that betrayed you not them, he’s been pushing their buttons. My heart goes out to you and I don’t think I could even imagine how you’re feeling. Big hugs to you x.


    • Thank you for your kind words. I still don’t know what to do. Since all this happened I saw them only once. They do miss me and love me but he is still controlling the rest of it: their thoughts, their values only they are too young to see that. I miss them so much and as for my ex, I do hope that karma is going to get him one day.

    Reply


  • I really hope things are going better for you. I definitely can empathise in some ways


    • Thank you. I got in touch with legal aid and this is what they said: ” The father should not be doing what he is doing. You need to speak to Child Support Agency and advise them what has happened and see what they think. Also, if they try and change residence, i suggest you see a lawyer. The courts may not necessarily support what the children are doing.” And also am I maybe eligible for legal aid. It’s becoming so complicated or maybe I don’t have enough strength to fight this. Especially because the girls think that their dad is right and CSA is wrong!! How do I prove to them otherwise?! It’s a very delicate situation. Do I just leave them to realise that for themselves?

    Reply


  • hopefully everything works out for you men are so weak if they have to blackmail and bring their own children into it. I hope carma comes around

    Reply


  • Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advise. It means a lot to me!
    The girls are still with him and he already rang CSA, so now I have to pay him child support.
    They did reply to my messages and they say they are good.
    I will contact legal aid and see what they say.
    Thank you again

    Reply


  • Legal advice is the only thing to do. You have rights!

    Reply


  • I advise you to contact a lawyer and find out where you legally stand. Kids are kids and are manipulated by adults, you can’t take it they wanted this, he has helped put the thoughts in their heads. Again seek legal advise asap

    Reply


  • Tell you what, I don’t know if you have seen some of my posts about what my money hungry Dr of science ex did to me out of spite (he took me to court to try and take my 8 year old son costing 30,000 just to try and make life financially bereft and I won), but I would be seeking legal advice. I’m on a far lower income and receive hardly anything and when we had 50/50 it was basically nothing even thought I earned a quarter of what he earns and an eight of what they earn together. Your girls will one day see the true honest person that you are. I would seek mediation, as any mediator worth their pinch of salt or a counsellor will see what going on. This is what I would term emotional abuse and mental abuse towards you. Goodness me it makes my blood boil hearing your story of anguish and I wish I could say or do more to help. One day when my son grows up I would like to do a course to help women. There is something wrong with the way the system is these days and it needs to be fixed to help women through these sort of things. My best wishes and I truly hope you can come through this. Remember you have one thing he doesn’t – integrity.

    Reply


  • You poor thing I really feel for you.
    I think I would be going to get some legal advice, and I also understood that child support was paid to the parent until the child was 18 so not sure he can really do that.
    I really hope things work out for you xx

    Reply


  • I would be getting legal support on this and the children should have their own legal reps seperate from you and your ex who act on the children’s behalf and what is in their best interest as well they should notice or would find out what your ex is doing

    Reply


  • I would also suggest to ask child support agency about how to handle this situation.

    Reply


  • Talk about using your girls as pawns-terrible. I think you need to handball this to child support

    Reply


  • I am also thinking family counseling is the way to go.
    Stay strong and all my best wishes to you.

    Reply


  • I think you need to get a family counsellor involved. I’m pretty sure this is illegal, but more to the point, it is not good for your girls.

    Reply


  • Maybe you should of just contacted the child support agency and had the money taken straight out his pay and straight into your account that’s what I did. But lets just hope that in time the girls wont want to stay with there father and come home. Good luck.

    Reply

Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?

No picture uploaded yet
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.

Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just submit?

Write A Rating Just Submit
Join