His wife says that whenever she suggests having quality time together, he asks if the kids can tag along…

A confused mum has shared her difficult relationship dilemma on Trib Live saying that her husband won’t go on a date with her unless their kids are included as well. Her husband told her that because they both work high pressure jobs, any down time they get should be spent together as family and not just with each other…

Craving Quality Time

The mum said that her husband’s disinterest in spending time with her is becoming a real problem. “We haven’t been out together alone in over a year,” she wrote. “And that includes our fifth wedding anniversary because he wanted to spend it with the kids.” Despite her understanding at the time, she said it is becoming increasingly difficult to cope with the situation. “I could basically force him to go out with me, but it is clear he doesn’t want to and, honestly, it doesn’t feel great to be on a date with my husband who doesn’t want to be there,” she said. In an attempt to compromise with her husband, the mum suggested a lunch or dinner every three months as a way to make scheduling in time together easier, but he refused to commit to the idea.

A Happy Ending?

The mum said she is in desperate need of some time alone time to work on their relationship. “I want a separate relationship with my husband,” she wrote, admitting that they were starting to lose each other in the craziness of work and home life. The advice columnist, Carolyn Hax, said that the mum had every right to be upset. “That your husband won’t go out with you alone, ever, is a significant marriage problem,” she said. “Insist, flat out, that you go on some kind of retreat together, alone, to find the brakes. Before everything crashes, before the kids get hurt.”

Given the importance of spending time as a couple, we can completely understand this mum’s frustration. Even though it’s not always easy, making quality time with your partner a priority can only strengthen your relationship.

Do you struggle to spend time alone with your partner? Let us know in the comments.


  • I think that’s lovely. At least she knows he loves his kids and loves spending time with his kids

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  • You need couple time, just like you need to be by yourself sometimes. My husband and I plan our dates nights every month for the next 6 months. It’s written on the calendar and if we find that we suddenly can’t do a particular night we have to book another one in straight away.

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  • Maybe he is really in touch with his feminine/nurturing side… I would be a little concerned too if my hubby didn’t want to go out on a one on one date with me. Think she needs to sit down and have an open conversation with him about it, but actually listen to what he has to say without getting too defensive.

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  • Is he taking the kids so she is on her best behaviour? Is he not interested in intimacy with her? Why won’t he be alone with her? Whilst great to spend time together with the kids he seems to be using them for some issue he has with being alone with her.

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  • I found that after the children left home we had so much couple time it wasn’t a problem.

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  • Surely they could come to a compromise and found time to do both? Quality family time is very important, but so is couple time !

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  • I always enjoyed going out as a family rather then couple time. Here we are now, the kids have left home and all we have is couple time! Make the most of having your kids around before they grow up and move on

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  • Life does change once the kids are here

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  • I don’t ever judge a book by it’s cover I know a lot of people with tattoos and they are the nicest ones I’ve met. People need to stop trying to accuse people on how they look

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  • Its very important to get some alone time without kids as well as family time with them. Maybe they could both take a school day off and spend it together while the kids are busy?

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  • I’m like the husband I want my kids involved when we go out lol I want to experience things with my kids. My hubby doesnt ,he wants quality time with me. On the odd occasion we might have a day alone.
    And would you believe I’m the one who stays at home with the kids. Go figure?!

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  • While its lovely to do things as a family, I think it’s so important for couples to have that time alone without the kids too! I feel for this mum and hope she can sort out what’s going on and get that couple time they need

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  • I hope my husband doesn’t ever feel like this. We just spend time as a couple when the children are asleep. Our first child is 2.5 and has never been cared for by anyone other than the 2 of us. I am not ready or willing to have other people be responsible for him, or our 7 month old, who is certainly way too young to be without me.


    • How is your 2.5 year old going to cope if one of you as parents are unfortunate to have to be rushed to hospital. Who is going to be available to mind your children?? Maybe you should ask the grandparents or somebody you trust to mind your children (or at least the 2.5 year old) even if it is just for a few hours so the children get used to you not being there. The length of time can gradually be increased.

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  • It’s nice that he wants to spend time with the kids. Maybe she just needs to explain that she needs a break and wants to spend some alone time with him.

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  • sometimes you need kids free time together

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