It’s news you normally can’t wait to share, but this mum has chosen to keep it from one very important person…

A mum-to-be has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if she is being unreasonable by keeping her pregnancy news from her in laws. While she is only 8 weeks into the pregnancy, the mum says she has never had the best relationship with her husband’s parents anyway and is enjoying keeping the news all to herself.

Never Seen Eye-To-Eye

The mum-to-be said that past experiences have contributed to her decision. “His parents annoy me at the best of times,” she said. “I’ve never particularly seen eye-to-eye with his mum as she has caused so many arguments between DH and I over the years. They are very self-centred and I don’t agree with their lifestyle. I am enjoying my pregnancy so much and am really enjoying the fact that it’s only us and my parents that know.” In describing her mother-in-law, the mum said that she is known for excessive drinking, being extremely manipulative and acting in her own self interest. “Luckily DH has now seen what she is like and we no longer argue and we tend to spend most of our time with my side of the family as a result,” she said.

A Difference Of Opinion

Despite her husband acknowledging his mother’s difficult personality, the mum-to-be said that her decision to keep the pregnancy from his parents has caused a rift between them. “I am 8 weeks so would like to hold off until our first scan to tell his parents but he is insisting that we tell them this week as we won’t see them again until the end of January (they live 2.5 hours away).” She went on to say that the decision to tell her parents first had been mutual and her feelings about announcing the pregnancy to his family were more than justified. “My intentions are not to deprive him of this experience, my concerns are with the mother-in-law.”

While we think that no one should be made to announce their pregnancy until they feel ready, we think this mum has been a little insensitive to her husband’s feelings. Even though she has a difficult relationship with her in-laws, they are still her husband’s parents and asking him to keep the news a secret when her parents already know is not entirely fair. We only hope they work it out so that they can enjoy the pregnancy without lingering family issues…

Did you keep your pregnancy a secret from particular family members? Tell us in the comments!

 

 


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  • We never told anyone about my pregnancies. Unfortunately I had 11 miscarriages but I did have 2 wonderful boys. We were able to cling to each other and not have family and friends feel sorry for us. No one knew we were expecting until we felt secure enough to announce it. I do think if she told her family her husband should be able to tell his parents as well.

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  • I have hideous in-laws who we are now disconnected from. I had tried to get pregnant for 4 years (2.5 years on IVF) and we did tell them and very close people at 6 weeks – when I first learned of my pregnancy. However, we wanted it kept quiet until we returned a Qld holiday so we could share our news ourselves. Well, my father in law would have none of that. He is a mean, evil, abusive, narcissistic and mysoginistic person who thinks women should be seen and not heard (preferably in the kitchen waiting on him hand and foot). He he caused problems at every major event in our lives. At our formal announcement to a group of our chosen people, he announced he had told many others (eg. his in-laws, all family members etc.) as he believed we had told everyone else, so why shouldn’t he. At that point, I told my hubby he had to keep his Dad away from me until I delivered. I would not lose my baby because of him. I did then endure illness and complications for the remainder of my pregnancy. My in-laws have proven problematic, manipulative, with all sorts of horrendous behaviour. They have never changed their spots, views, etc. so we made the right decision.

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  • It’s not only her news to tell her husband has a right to tell his parents. That being said I think it may be fine to wait until 12 weeks if there may be complications

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  • I had several miscarriages before my first and we didn’t tell anybody of our family until I was 25wks pregnant.

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  • I refused to tell anyone till I was at least 12 weeks – too often a miscarriage and then you have to cope with trying to calm down the parents and in-laws who think they are helping you but really aren’t.

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  • I don’t think this should be an issue at all. Do it when you feel comfortable.

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  • I kept my first borns to myself until I was 12wks

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  • Until 12 weeks it’s no one elses business anyway.

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  • I think you tell people when you’re ready but it needs to be mutually decided because it’s his baby too.

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  • It seems quite complicated and possibly has the potential to escalate.

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  • I had a interfering Mother-in-law of a only child who she saw as her baby. He was 33 having his own Babies. She caused arguments with him let alone me…. So we kept the first baby a secret for 20 weeks but lost that baby… we had three more beautiful healthy babies and we never told her much at all. She was never happy at any of our decisions so we never discussed our business with her. My Gyno told me to divorce her not my husband after she would send my blood pressure through the roof. Just mentioning her name or she was coming over would give me anxiety. She treated me as if I was invisible. Divorcing her out of my life was a good move I thank my GYNO for that advice as she is no longer with us but our marriage is strong!

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  • I think she’s doing good. Nothing strange in waiting till the end of the first trimester to tell the in-laws. I didn’t keep it a secret with anyone.

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  • She is doing what is best for her and not the in-laws!

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  • She can find fault with her in-laws but sounds a little manipulative and insensitive to me. I hope this isn’t a sign of bigger problems.

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  • I think it’s sad that she feels the need to hide it. A baby could really be the thing that brings them together as a family.


    • Sadly some family dynamics are quite complicated.

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