Unfortunately in life people will hurt us! As parents need to remember that having our feelings hurt at 10, 15, 20 or even 40 years old feels the same.

So the old saying “sticks and stone can break my bones, but names will never hurt me” is just not true.

Australian Teenage Expo co-founder and youth expert Sacha Kaluri says one in three students are being bullied everyday, and this is just the reported cases that get back to teacher.

“Majority of school kids of any school age don’t tell anybody what is happening as they are too embarrassed to tell a teacher or parent what is going on, so it never even gets reported.” Said Ms Kaluri

“Kids take on the feeling that it is their fault and adults wont understand or even be able to help.”

“Its our role as adults to prepare kids how to deal with these issues before they happen, to build their resilience so they know how to handle a situation when it come up.”

Sonya Karras also co-founder of the Australian Teenage Expo said “Keeping the conversation open with kids about what being bullied means and that its never the victims fault is always a sure way to inadvertently tell your child you are open to discuss what’s happening at school.

“It’s about letting them know that they can come and talk to you about anything and you will never judge them”

Ms Kaluri has tips on what to do if your child is being bullied at school and how to teach your child to be resilient and feel confident, so that if they do get bullied they are prepared.

  • Standing Tall. Our body language says so much about us. No matter what we look like on the outside people can instinctively see if we are confident or if we are a push over. Make sure you teach your child to have a strong look, hold their head up high and have a confident walk.
  • Don’t react. Bullies want a reaction, that’s why they do it. As much as it’s hard not to show your feelings, we have to teach our child not to act like it hurts.
  • Prepare your child with comeback lines. Have a discussion with them about what to say to someone if they say something mean to them. That way if it happens they are not all chocked up and shocked. They have something prepared to say back.
  • Let them know if you were ever bullied and how you felt, Kids think once you’re an adult then you have forgotten what it was like at school, but I am sure we all have stories of when someone hurt us at school. Its okay to share with your child. Talk about how it made you feel, what you did when it happened and how to want to make sure the same does not happen to them.
  • Speak up. The most powerful weapon we have against a bully is to talk about it and record what happening. Encourage your child to talk about it as much as they want. It’s important for us as adults to try and keep a record of this information as well. So that when it comes to approaching the school, then we can have documented situations. It makes things so much easier for us as parents and as well for children if we go into a meeting with a teacher with a stack of notes with as much detail as possible. It calms our nerves as well. That way the bully has no chance to come back and say it was an isolated incident and its no big deal.

Ms Kaluri says we just need to use the same format we would use in the workplace as we would in schools, Document everything especially if you find that its not just a one off thing.

“Its all about making sure your child feels like you are on their side and that all lines of communication are open.” said Ms Kaluri

“I am constantly hearing from students that they never tell anyone what is happening to them and they just hope it will go away, but that is not often the case, we need to teach our children to stand up for themselves so this does not create a pattern in life for them being bullied as an adult.”

“When documenting any information we need to remember the five W’s. What happened, when it happened, what was said, where it was, and who was there”

“We have to teach our children to be smart and savvy about these issues, that way they can feel more confident and resilient and get through life much easier.”

Australian Teenage Expo aims to provide everything a teen, parent or educator needs to know about in three key areas – Education, Services and Products, with as much fun and interaction as possible.

For more information about the Australian Teenage Expo or book a keynote presentation by Sacha Kaluri visit www.teenageexpo.com.au or www.sachakaluri.com

Sacha Kaluri started a successful business at the age of 18 and now travels around Australia speaking to young people in senior schools on the topics of how to have the career of your dreams,  bullying and online bullying, stress management and body image. In 2011 Sacha Kaluri became the co founded and the co-director of the Australian Teenage Expo, a large-scale youth event which this year attracted almost 8000 Victorians at the Melbourne Showgrounds.

  • Bullying is just disgraceful. Thank you for the very helpful tips.

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  • My daughter is currently laying in a hospital with a gastric nasal tube feeding her, and will be there for atleast a month, because of bullies!!! My sweet little girl was made to feel that horrible about herself that she stopped eating. For months i didn’t know what was wrong with. Yes she is a sensitive child because of the abuse she lived through from her father, so no she doesn’t handle nasty words or actions well. What im sick of is the bullied children being punished for it and school just sweeping it under the table. Why does the bullied need to toughen up, why does the bullied need to ‘just ignore them’, why does the bullied need to ‘just stay away from them’. How about we start dealing with the individuals that are bullying!!!!
    I am not standing up for my daughter, i am now fighting for her as she is too weak to fight for herself! We are on a long road to recovery and it’s my daughter that is suffering NOT the bullier. That person atill gets to go to school and see their friends, that person still gets to go home to their family ever afternoon, that person still gets to be with their family every night and sleep in their own bed.
    My daughter is 13, her name is Gorgia and i am fighting the fight for her #stopbullyingnow


    • I agree with you 100%
      My middle daughter had issues with a boy who was a grade older. For some reason he decided that he would tease her. She ignored his words and told me that she didnt know why he said these things and she didnt know why he called her ugly because she wasnt. I was glad that she wasnt taking his words onboard but I wanted the teasing to stop so I contacted the school which prided themseleves on their no bullying policy. They spoke to the child but then he decided to step it up and get physical. He would walk past and pull her hair, shove her so she would fall over, etc. Again I spoke to the school. They spoke to the boy again and also advised my daughter that if she saw him to walk the other way. The boy did not stop. I was phoning the school daily. In the end their response was for my daughter to avoid him. My eldest daughter was 3 grades above the bully and without my knowledge decided that she was going to seek this kid out. She found him in the playground one day and slammed him against a tree and warned him that if he dared to touch her sister again or call her names then he would be dealing with her. She held him by the scruff of the neck and said “Do you understand?” She said he was really scared and said he understood and he was sorry. That was the end of that. We never had a problem with that boy again.
      Im not suggesting that anyone do this. Im just sharing what happened.
      I do think that schools need to protect out children and bullies need to be expelled if they refuse to stop their behavior. BUT… have you eve noticed on social media sites that adults bully others online….such bad examples :(

      I know you have a long road ahead of you but I hope that your daughter responds to treatment and that in time she will find her light and see her true beauty. I wish you well.

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  • I do not understand why some kids do this. It’s horrible being bullied

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  • It’s so heartbreaking to know your child is being bullied at school, especially when the school seems to be doing nothing about it. Heartbreaking when they’re crying, begging you to not send them to school. I would wish it on no one

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  • This is just awefully sad … My daughter had experienced it at high school but never told me until years later .. If only the bullies new how bad this can effect children maybe they would stop .. I know school put in place no bulling policies .. Not sure how successful they are though

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  • This was such a great article, my daughter reasonly told me she was being bullied, she was too scared to tell me at first but I knew she wasn’t happy & I managed to get it out of her. We sat down & talked about it together & then went & seen her teacher which has really helpfull. She now knows she can come to either myslef or her teacher.
    I had never thought of coming up with comebacks for what they may be saying to her, this is something I will have to look into.

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  • such very great advise, if only they handed something like this out when your children started kinder

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  • Very informative – thank you so much!

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  • I think this is such a difficult issue to deal with. With my child I gave them permission to be assertive and talked to the teacher. I expected them to deal with the bully and not my child. Unfortunately I think bullies are protected.

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  • We had heaps of trouble for our son the last few years at school and now it has stopped. We taught him to stand up for himself but if that didn’t work go to the teacher and finally they started listening. It is not a good thing seeing your children being bullied.

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  • Sadly this will never stop happening! I can still remember being called fatso and four eyes!. Now the last laugh is on those nasty girls from yesteryear because now I am a slim 67 year old and they are all fat now so If they see me they can eat their nasty words from years ago! On a more serious note it helps if you have witnesses to these bullies then they cannot deny their actions. I was fortunate to have 2 lovely friends in grade 6 ,a year ahead of me and they happened to see these other girls hitting me and calling me names. Unbeknown to me I went home another way the next day to avoid them but my 2 friends lay in wait for them and ended up belting the bullies with their skipping ropes. They never bothered me after that!

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  • Bullying is unacceptable, always report it to the school. the teacher, the principle, the deputy the councillor, give them 24 hours, then go to the next level, report it twice a day if need be, morning and afternoon, harass the principle so that they have to act on it, keep diaries, also send emails, put it in writing, keep all records, look after your child and make sure that your child knows that the behaviour is unacceptable and not your childs fault, and not to feel guilty about dobbing, most schools like to pretend it does not happen but if you are persistent they have to do something, they wont like you but wont mess you around, stand up to the bullies and the authorities, if all else fails, document it and send to the education minister, they usually act very quickly also a copy to your local member of parliament.

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  • Such a sad topic thanks for the info

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  • Bullying is such a damaging thing and I believe it has gotten to epic proportions, my daughter was chronically bullied and the school would do nothing, I had to remove her to a new school, I believe she is still affected by it

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  • This is great advice as it is what I have done for my sons over the past year.
    I just hope they know even though I tell them all the time that they can talk to me about anything. Even if they are unhappy with me.

    Reply

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