I have been asked so many times (as are ALL mums I am sure!) if we had another baby would I want a little girl. We have two gorgeous boys and we are VERY lucky to even have those. All I could ever wish is for a “healthy baby”.

Our journey to parenthood wasn’t what we expected at all, so for people to presume we would ask for anything, other than a healthy child, can be rather annoying to me.  (Read more about our journey HERE)

When someone flippantly says “as long as they are healthy” they have NO idea what that really means to a family who has been on the other side of that scenario.

I know they mean well, and don’t realise how much hearing that can hurt, but it does….

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To have a child that is not born healthy like everyone brags about is heartbreaking and it drives me insane at times when people throw the good old “as long as they are healthy” line without knowing what others have endured.

I have actually briefly felt jealous (very briefly!) of people that were lucky enough to have a ‘healthy child’ at the time our first born arrived.

I know people mean well and never say it with malice, but I do often wish people realised what they were saying to some mums who haven’t been so lucky. We were one of the fortunate families that now have a happy child to be thankful for… Not all families can say the same.

To wish for either sex is something I would never dream of, I know people have the right to yearn for either a boy or girl, but I could never be that presumptuous. I do get annoyed when someone is upset that they are not pregnant with the gender they really longed for. Although I would never say anything and realise we are all entitled to our own choices.

Throughout my whole pregnancy with our second child I was just praying to god that he was born healthy and we didn’t have another battle ahead of us.

So my short answer is NO I do NOT want a girl, if I were to have another child I would once again just be praying that they were in fact a healthy child and we were blessed to be one of those lucky families who take healthy children for granted. Not everyone has that privilege.

Healthy isn’t always everything

In a post on The Mighty I was humbled to read a story from a mum who shared her own experience after her child was born with a rare genetic disease.

She wrote, “I was at a baby shower recently. When asked whether she (the mum to be) hoped for a boy or a girl, the young mother put her hand protectively on her belly and replied serenely, “All that matters is the baby is healthy.”

At which point all heads turned in my direction and then quickly looked away.”

The mum of two said, “It might surprise my shower-going friends to learn that I don’t mourn the loss of the healthy child I was naively anticipating when I was pregnant. To me, there is no sense in grieving a fantasy, especially when the reality is wonderful in its own way. My daughter is perfect, just as she is.”

She continues, “Don’t misunderstand. I am very, very sad sometimes — sad my daughter has had to face daunting medical odds, physical pain, hours of procedures and days in the hospital. Do I wish she didn’t have to endure that? Of course I do.”

“But from the first moment I held her, I knew there was nothing to be gained, and much to be lost by wishing she was different.

“So by all means, my sweet young friend, wish and hope and pray for health of the precious life growing inside of you. But don’t look away from me out of pity. I am not embarrassed by my daughter’s medical condition, and there is no need for you to spare my feelings. I wish health upon your baby as well.

“My experiences have taught me sometimes things do turn out differently than we expect. And if that happens, know joy can be found there, too. Your baby will be perfect, and you will love that little person, him or her, healthy or unhealthy. You will love that child with every ounce of your soul.”
Do you often find yourself defending your decision for wanting a healthy baby no matter what their gender?

Share your comments below.

Related story – What it’s like to miss your child, even when you’re next to them

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  • What a beautiful way of expressing your feelings.

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  • I empathise with this – it is very hard when your baby isn’t healthy.

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  • Such a lovely post x

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  • Great read and very strong lady God Bless

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  • Health is certainly a blessing for us all.
    But children, boy or girl, perfect or imperfect, able or disabled are even more so a blessing.

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  • With my first pregnancy I knew it was a girl (it wasn’t confirmed but I knew) and I was a bit disappointed because I really wanted a boy. When I miscarried that baby I felt nothing but guilt. And I was quite surprised with my second pregnancy that I genuinely didn’t care at all if it was a girl or boy. I just wanted a baby.

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  • What a beautiful read. We all love our children no matter what. Good or bad

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  • of course we would love our children no matter what and having a healthy child just means that life is easier for them and you but you wouldn’t just reject them if they weren’t perfect. it is just a mother’s unconditional love

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  • Brave lady – and a very lovely post. Thank you.

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  • I think all expectant Mums hope their baby will be a healthy one. They hope their baby will have a good start in life. Not all are so lucky as some young babies may have problems that aren’t always detected as soon as we would like them to be.

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  • Half the time people make comments with no meaning behind them other than making conversation. Don’t take everything that you hear to heart.

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  • No I didn’t long for a baby of a specific sex either. We were delighted when our daughter was born after some miscarriages, even though she was born at 30 weeks we were happy she was alive ! To have healthy children is sure a blessing !!

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  • I didn’t know the sex of my babies. I didn’t ask, I was happy to wait. It was no drama for me, only mine and my partners opinions mattered

    Reply

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