The mum-of-two said she can’t understand why her partner of almost ten years won’t commit and doesn’t want to marry her…

A frustrated mum has taken to Mumsnet asking if she is being unreasonable to be upset about her partner’s recent announcement that he doesn’t believe in marriage. The mum says that she always assumed they would marry, especially as they have been together for almost a decade and have two children together, so was devastated when her partner ruled it out.

Hurt Feelings

The mum says that she can’t help but feel hurt by the decision. “I’ve never been a massive marriage advocate but I can’t help but feel really depressed and down about it,” she admitted. “It’s like he doesn’t want me or take our relationship seriously.” The mum says that she feels rejected and is taking it personally despite her best efforts. “There’s this feeling of rejection, like the man I love doesn’t love me enough to marry me,” she wrote. “I communicated this with him and he…said that his not believing in marriage is not personal and that he felt a little offended because I seemed more bothered about marriage than just being with him.” It sounds like this couple should have had an honest conversation ten years ago about their feelings towards marriage…

Making Assumptions

Comments on the mum’s post highlighted the danger of making assumptions. “I am mildly astounded you’ve got ten years behind you and it’s only just come up!” wrote one disbelieving commenter. “Unusual for his feelings to be a complete shock at this stage.” “Well if it doesn’t mean anything to him then a quick trip to the registry office won’t be a huge problem since it means something to you,” another pointed out.

While we really sympathise with this mum and can completely understand why she feels rejected, we find it hard to believe that such a huge difference of opinion hasn’t been discovered much sooner! Here’s hoping the couple can work it out…

Have you and your partner had a difference of opinion when it comes to marriage? Share your story in the comments.


  • I would feel hurt, too. I do wonder why it wasn’t mentioned earlier. It would make me wonder if my partner was planning to leave me without the worry of being tied to me legally. Ouch.

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  • She either stays with him for the sake of their children or she leaves, and devastates all concerned – him and the children. Personally I can’t see that a little piece of paper makes that much difference – either she loves him, warts and all, or she doesn’t.

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  • If something is really important to your partner and you just don’t think it’s important but believe you are committed and will be together forever I don’t understand the refusal. Sounds like counseling is needed, hopefully they can work their way through it.

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  • You have to talk with your partner and come to a decision together

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  • I am still amazed at the value some people place on that little piece of paper. All the expense that goes with getting it too…….no thanks

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  • There must be some kind of reason for this. I would suggest an open and honest discussion. Maybe he saw that marriage doesn’t mean a happy relationship and he’s happy with her? Maybe he doesn’t understand how important it is to her.

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  • Wow, that’s a long time in for this to become an issue. A lack of communication perhaps.

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  • I don’t think a piece of paper is necessary.

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  • Me and my hubby were always on the same page from the beginning of our relationship and knew we would get married. I know its ‘just a bit of paper’ but it’s the meaning and the significance behind it that means alot to some people and I can understand why she would be feeling hurt over his decision

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  • You need to sit down with him without distractions and calmly talk to him and find out why he doesn’t want to marry. Find out his reasons behind this and then tell him why you want to marry him. What about a compromise and have a commitment ceremony?


    • Yes a compromise can be a good option.

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  • A lot of people these days don’t see the importance in it. Maybe he is worried about a big family affair. It’s something that should be talked about if it is important to her.

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  • My hubby and I got married overseas, in Rarotonga, Cook Islands. It was just us, the priest and a witness from the resort we stayed at. Best wedding ever. You don’t need to go “all bells and whistles”, registry office would have suited us too but we were there and found out how easy it was and thought, “why not”!


    • Yes we did something alike. We married in Florida with just the 2 of us

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  • Although I am married and did the big wedding thing… I don’t see it as being all that important. People get divorced easily these days, so it’s not exactly any more of a commitment than the relationship they are already in.

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  • Both my partner and I had been through bad marriages and survived. In fact that we both found each other was enough to celebrate over the years. My Dad always hoped we would get hitched but he passed away last year just shy of turning 90. My partner’s Mum is still hoping too . to have a wedding and enjoy being the mother of the groom ; can’t see that happening either anytime soon and the dear dear to my heart second Mum is descending down into that land of no return called Alzheimers :( . The one who is most offended now , is our son . The youngest of our three kids , [18 , 16 , and nearly 14] He sees it as being very disrespectful on his Dad’s part , that I am not recognised by law as being part of the family and I have a different surname . He reached these conclusions by his own accord and only broached them to me last year.

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  • I must be the only one here that feels for this lady. She should have her day and be treated like a princess. Isn’t that what we all dream of when we are little girls. My husband told me it was just a piece of paper and didn’t want to marry me after our two children. So when the next person asked when we were going to get married I piped up and said I didn’t want to get married and what a waste of money. My boyfriend then got quite upset when it was on the other foot, hence to say we got married the following year and he says to this day it was the best day of our lives. Still married and have four grown up children and two foster children and very happy.

    Reply

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